I wanted to save your soundtrack for last... but never got around to it. I'll be honest: I've listened to Self-Acceptance in its entirety at least four times... and I did it a relatively long time ago.... I don't even know if I should spell out all the merits of this complete album.... Can I try to express my gratitude? When I first started participating in this jam (at the soundtrack creation stage) I had some problems in my personal life, which were growing stronger and stronger every day. To the point where I started actively harming myself again, breaking my life regimen... I was getting worse and worse. When the rating period started, I set myself the insane goal of rating absolutely every single publication of this jam. It was a stupid idea, really. In the process, again, I harmed myself a lot, had a lot of fights with a lot of people. At this second, I'm on the cusp of some problems, the abrupt disposal of which could bring me a great deal of frustration and pain.…
...but you know what? I came across Self-Acceptance. Your soundtrack...your soundtrack helped me. No kidding, no irony. Your soundtrack was very close to me, it was like it became a part of my soul and...I felt calmer. No other soundtrack from this jam created that effect for me...and yours was able to do that..... When I was in pain, the deadline of the evaluation period was getting closer and closer, the emotions and self-twisting were getting stronger and stronger, I listened to Self-Acceptance. It was as if it was speaking to me! Slowly falling spiral in Knocking Down Heavens Door With Menace seemed to merge with my mood, which was falling deep down under the influence of horrible thoughts... And then it slowly "broke" and under the influence of bitkrush went away. It was as if the "destruction" of the song was telling me, "Look, we're both breaking. We're both dissolving. We both feel bad. We're both angry. We're both going downhill. We're both repeating ourselves"... And then calmness would set in... I would sit down at my chair, put the scissors back in the far side of my desk and continue to listen and evaluate other publications.…
While I was listening to Heart Speaks Unto Heart, I wasn't just listening to what the song was telling me anymore. It was like I was dancing madly in my head with it. I was able to speak out! I was able to feel alive for a moment! I was able to merge with the music and finally love myself! I listened as if the music loved me and I loved the music! It was freakin' crazy! Blinded By Kindness - was kind of an anthem of contrasting moods for me. On one side - something cute, like a carefree and happy childhood where I loved myself, played with glasses... on the other side - the person I am now. I'm someone who hates myself. But your album... it helped me.
UM2S OS - I was reminded of the scariest days of this summer. The days when I wanted to jump off a bridge right into the river. This track is like an epitome for me of what my last seconds of life would look like before I choke and go into oblivion... and you know what's next? What's after nothingness? I don't know... The void for me has always been an excuse to fantasize and build my own world. My world. Where no one could ever penetrate. But this world I started to destroy lately... UM2S OS is for me a feeling of death of me as a living being and death of me as the one who controlled my world. And you know what that world was like? It was alive. Until I died. UM2S BIOS - ...and then I died. Already. At this second, as I write this message I don't feel like a living person. It makes no sense for me to feel that way... but the last thing that made me feel alive during the rating period was Self-Acceptance. I feel alive again! The last part of the track was usually the beginning of further evaluation of the publications…
And here it is... the very last day of the rating period. I am very much worried about the results... I made a huge mistake, spending a lot of effort and time (as well as my health) on a soundtrack of 1 hour long... I made an idiotic decision with the progression of dynamics, which will make most people have the wrong opinion about my publication and it will spoil the rating... And I was tormented by these thoughts quite a lot during these two weeks. And all because of my own mistakes... But thanks to UM2S Diagnostic I was getting better... I understood my emotions already. I understood everything that was going on inside me. Even when everything "broke down" and turned into noise, I could still recognize me in the noise. That noise at the very end was not the noise that was breaking me. It's the noise that was me. The me that I could fix. You were able to make me accept myself, accept all my mistakes and keep doing what I had to do for myself . ...I had to live.…
Hildegard Vision... I have a strange feeling about him. You know why? This track doesn't sound like a beginning to me. To me, this track sounds like that unreceived dream of being yourself. This track doesn't sound like the process of acceptance, which the rest of the album is. Hildegard Vision is the end result. To become as happy as I was at the beginning of my life's journey. It's a dream that was always there at the beginning, and that is missing at the end of the process of "fixing" myself, after I broke myself.... ...I'm well aware that the top 20 spots will go to professionals in the business. People who have known music for many years and know how to make someone's heart happy, fill their souls and make someone happy with just the melody of violin in tandem with cello, percussion and flute.…
...But I know for a fact that you were able to save me. Each track was like a different cure for each ailment for me. While all the other composers created just rhythms that made me shake my head, you made the greatest rhythm of this jam that helped me keep my inner calm. You didn't try to make me cry, you didn't try to scare me, you didn't try to make me marvel at the enormity of battles on vast battlefields, you didn't try to make me smile at the cuteness of the music. You were trying to talk to me. You were trying to help me. And you helped me... You understood the main theme of this jam, "Inside my world," better than any other composer. You were doing the real art. You were doing what music is: sweetness for the soul. I want to write one, the very last word I will write for the publications of this jam, which has undoubtedly become a part of me....
Thank you