https://synzia.itch.io/bridges
Since this is pretty much only text, I'd love feedback on the writing! What worked, what didn't? If you could specifics, pointing to specific lines or paragraphs, that would be great so I know exactly what I need to work on.
Well, that was sad. :(
Good job on the writing! The descriptions of the scenes really helped my mind imagine the scenarios of the story, especially the vet clinic part. If I have to raise a point tho, I think the duration of the wetness of the dog is too long. I visited the beach second, then all the areas I visited after the beach said that my dog is still wet, so ye. Nevertheless, your story touched my heart.
I feel like some of the paragraphs could have been split into two or three paragraphs. Some of the sections could even have been split into multiple pages for readability. I first noticed this when I went to the pet store. The "Where to now?" page was an especially large text wall.
It was nice to see that the choices I made did have some bearing on the scenes, though I felt like some of them could have used a grammar touch-up.
I noticed that sometimes a pronoun would be capitalized in the wrong place. I don't know the exact way you formatted your variables, but did you have different variables for $they (he, she) and $theycap (He, She) or something similar to that?
I've never had a dog, so I can't really relate to a lot of the dog experiences, but the part about deciding whether or not to put down the dog made me cry -- we had to put down our cat earlier this month. That was completely accurate.
Thank you for the feedback! I worry about those walls of text. Splitting into multiple pages didn't seem like the right answer, but I should have split some paragraphs up, that's for sure. I'm used to novel writing, but I should have written it more like a newspaper column.
If there are any grammar mistakes or pronoun problems you know of off the top of your head, I would love to know about them so I can fix them. The way the pronouns work was when the player chooses male or female, the pronouns are set accordingly, so $pronoun is she, $pronouncap is She, $pronounpossess is her, etc. I know that at the end I was rushing a tad and for some reason kept adding capitals to things that shouldn't be capitalized. I actually uploaded the game a second time about five minutes after the initial upload because I thought I had found and fixed all of them, but I guess I didn't!
My condolences about your cat, losing a loved one like that is awful.
