I am not trying to be harsh, just critical as this is a competition and I hope this helps make your next story that much better. I feel like this went more according to plan than it didn't, just not the MCs plan. I didn't really feel the MC had a plan just a general mission. Also the time jumps felt unnecessary and a little confusing. I would have focused more on the ending and trying to make the reader connect to that as with the short time you have, why they were they doesn't really matter since the MC doesn't even know what he is retrieving.