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Hey a Prime Brothers story, I was excited to read one of these, and you didn't disappoint! 

This was a great story, your prose is clean, neat, and easy to follow. I think there's some wonderful imagery in there, I loved: "It gestured with a metal claw," ... "the rafters echoed with the thunder of their steps." Wonderful stuff.

The only issue I would say I had was keeping track of who was talking. Perhaps that was the point, but for some reason I was lost a bit and needed to do a few double takes. The dialogue itself is really well written, I think it just needed a few more dialogue tags is all. 

Great work, and wonderful read. 

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Thanks, Coombsy! I appreciate that! And yeah, making the conversational tone flow naturally while keeping it clear was a struggle for me, since so many clarifiers Id normally put in had to be weighed against the scene descriptors for the shorter runtime, and cutting them felt ROUGH. I did what I could, especially in the end with Joachim & Anterron curtly referencing each other in each exchange, but I know there were some parts, especially with each talking to their lieutenants that was tougher to catch.

Thank you for your constructive feedback, and for the compliments! This has been a blast, the community has been so welcoming and I cant wait to join the next Writing Jam with you all!

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Yeah it’s interesting what we consider fodder for the trash with such a small word count, right? Using just the essentials to me really establishes a writers voice, and yours is wonderful. 

It’s been a lot of fun, right? From the writing, right up to the critiquing of others work, been a real blast. Hope to see you on the next Writing Jam!