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The Last Omnitect

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A member registered Nov 12, 2021 · View creator page →

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That's an excellent question, and thank you for the comment!

The Knights Numenarie did know the renegade machines were inside the Vault, they just didn't understand why the Robots wanted to unleash them, considering the machines are clearly hostile towards everything. So it was a question of them not understanding the motivations of their opposed force as opposed to not knowing what lay within the Vault.
Hopefully that makes sense?

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Hell yeah,  nothing like subverting expectations with red herrings! Let's goooo!

Thank you for the compliment,  it's very much appreciated!

thank you so much,  Ape!!

Thank you Buggritt!that is high praise indeed!!

Thank you,  Toast! I definitely wouldn't mind getting to redo this story in a longer format where i can make the transitions clearer,  but I'm honestly just glad it was a clear as it was!

A good learning experience!

Thank you, so much!!!

Honestly, I really liked this.
I normally am not a huge fan of 1st person perspective, and there were a few minor grammatical issues here and there... but damn if I dont love me some complex situations and a great twist.

Seriously, I love the ending, and frankly, I think it speaks to what makes OPR's Grimdark Future setting so good: the people in this setting, whether they be robot, or alien hive or jackal or dwarf or human are people. Peace isnt impossible in Grimdark Future, just improbable. And this does such a good job of highlighting that.
Well done.

Thank you!

I love playing around with the transhuman angle, but yeah, I didn't want to just make a bunch of gruff,  xenophobic, sociopathic fascists. It's actually why I like GRIMDARK FUTURE'S Brothers: they are PEOPLE.  And that's fun to write and I think it gives us a lot of latitude to write something new!

And I'm glad I made something you enjoyed!

Thank you Felicity! I am to please,  and I love my Knights Numenarie and their crystallization process.

1- I see what you did there.

2- Aww thank you! I'm actually looking forwards to adapting my Knights Numenarie chapter as Prime Brothers (and my Arachnia Astra as Havoc Brothers) in future writing contests! And I think the Robot Legions are just so cool.

I'm glad i could do than some justice!

Thanks for the high praise, Grizlibier! Its much appreciated and Im glad Ive managed to shake off most of my short story writing rust!
Cheers!

Aww, thank you! You dont know how much that made me grin!

Thanks, Coombsy! I appreciate that! And yeah, making the conversational tone flow naturally while keeping it clear was a struggle for me, since so many clarifiers Id normally put in had to be weighed against the scene descriptors for the shorter runtime, and cutting them felt ROUGH. I did what I could, especially in the end with Joachim & Anterron curtly referencing each other in each exchange, but I know there were some parts, especially with each talking to their lieutenants that was tougher to catch.

Thank you for your constructive feedback, and for the compliments! This has been a blast, the community has been so welcoming and I cant wait to join the next Writing Jam with you all!

LOL It does, in truth. It at least very much sounds like something a space ork would say

Cheers! Honestly, I struggle to find anything to really offer in terms of constructive critique. The Theme was maybe not as strongly emphasized as other entries, but I dont really think that's a thing. Seriously, cheers!

Solid story with writing that had me fully invested. Absolutely would read more. Genuinely great writing!

I really enjoy this story. The birth of the ratfolk is a very cool subject, and it was cool to see it here!

Genuinely loved this.
Not a wasted word, and the narrative was clean, efficient, evocative, and well worded.
I have no critique save that it was great and I definitely look forwards to your next Wordjam submission!

I think you did a pretty good job! I very much enjoyed the ending, and I liked the idea of her thinking back to her earlier life in a "how did we end up here" kinda vibe. My single piece of critique (besides maybe being a little too heavy-handed with some descriptions, which I think Buggritt covered pretty well and dont need to belabor it any further) I would say you didn't need to emphasize that we were reading a flashback as much as you did. Leading with a statement saying how she remembered/was thinking back on her past, and then one letting us know that she was turning her attention back to the present is probably all it would take, and it would prevent too much repetition of the same words and concepts.

That said, you did solid, Victor. Keep on keeping on, and I look forwards to reading your submissions in future Jams!

A solid read! I dont see much Space Elves literature, and with their recent release, I look forwards to reading more. I very much enjoyed the story, and the characterization of the elves. Too often I think Elves are written in the Tolkien style (which is great, dont get me wrong), where every single elf moves with unearthly grace and looks down their nose at everything.
 Its refreshing to see you choose to write them as people, and I dig that. Pacing was solid, characterization was good, and you did a good enough job setting the scene that even a newbie to the faction could follow along. Good stuff!

You crushed the title, Greenskin. And the flow of the story was excellent. The ending felt a tad on the nose, but otherwise I dig it. Plus, good to see the grudge lives on.

Poetic prose was not what I expected today, but a welcome surprise! Also, as the friend of an collegiate scholar of Arthurian lore, I liked the little Gawain reference in there. Your originality knocked it out of the park, writer. Well done!

Solid read. Diction was clear and the concept well communicated. Well done.

The introduction paragraph was a little dense with the descriptions slowing it down a tad, and the final paragraph was a little on the nose... but I liked it, and you really had me arrested there! Well done!

Very entertaining! Only one or two microscopic errors in spelling and tone, but genuinely a great read!

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Thank you! I really appreciate that! I was trying to go for an unexpected twist, and within 1000 words its tough to do it really well, but Im content with what I did with how little space I had to work within.

For Any  Interested (Dont let it affect your vote, please), the art pieces I made for this jam are "OMNIOUS COVER IMAGE" & "A NEW FOE EMERGES".

Feel free to download them after you vote! I think they're pretty cool!