Unfortunately this game is SO real, I’m very glad you managed to finish it :) I’ve never been one to ‘review’ stories that seem personal, but in short - as others have mentioned - the dialogue does tend to feel a bit on-the-nose. A few changes according to the ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ rule in narrative would be super beneficial, because the story told is for sure engaging!
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Oh absolutley. The dialogue changes are top of my list for a post-jam update. My main hobby is writing novels and short stories-- and it was also how I earned money before I started Uni, so I think I just assumed I could leave the writing for the last couple hours of the last day I could work on it and it would be easy-peasy.
Turns out trying to write game dialogue in 5 minutes when you've pretty much exclusively written prose and when you're stressed and in a rush because of deadlines doesn't lead to amazing dialogue writing lol. And I didn't have the time to rewrite it once I reread it and realised. So, definitely re-writing most of the dialogue when I have the time. Can't well be an author and have your one public game have mediocre writing.
Thank you so much for the feedback (:!