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(+1)

I was very impressed with the final stretch of this story - the truncated thoughts, your use of fragments rather than full sentences, it all served to underscore a sense of urgency. I enjoyed it a lot, and the only suggestion I have to really elevate it would be to use those same tools in the rest of the story as well. Nice job!

I guess I dawdled a little with the writing in the first part. Thanks for the feedback!