itch.io

I respect the hell out of what you're aiming for here - I suspect it won't do so well in the jam but it was a real highlight for me! The switch in perspective at the top of the third column (right as Lucretius drops the weight) was a little jarring to me, and I feel like it would have worked better in the same perspective as the rest of the piece, but coming across this one as one of the last in my rating queue makes me very glad I'm reading every entry. Well done!

I enjoyed this one a lot! It felt very well-scoped to me, neither stretched or cramped to meet the length requirement. I wouldn't mind seeing some of the writing "punched up" a little (my preference is for more descriptive detail and sections of the story hewed a little close to "this happened. then, this happened") but your use of fragments at the beginning did a good job of setting the tone and the tight character focus made this a highlight of the jam for me.

The intense character focus and strong voice were the highlights of this story for me. Once you get into the action it flows smoothly and clearly, with the repeated "my own two feet" line serving as an anchor to keep the whole thing grounded.  My only complaint is the ending - I couldn't help but feel a little unsatisfied, with a fight still in progress, some space remaining in the template/word count, and the story not quite concluded. Still an excellent story, though, and a standout entry in this jam!

An excellent story, with a strong emotional beat that's so often absent from these jam submissions (though definitely in keeping with your entry from Writing Jam #10). You did a great job keeping me invested in your story while exploring the humanity of the Prime Brothers. Well done!

Another strong entry - you used the timer well as a plot device to punctuate the story and provide natural scene breaks! I only wish you'd had the space to finish the countdown - I can't help but feel that I just read the first 1000 words of a 1500-word story and I didn't leave it with a sense of resolution. It's still an enjoyable story, though, and your voice is crisp and clear as ever.

An excellent follow-up to 'Reflecting with a Red' - your writing skill continues to improve! I couldn't help but feel a little disconnected from your story, however; your idea was excellent with a strong setup for a well-executed twist at the end, but I didn't really get a sense of personal connection to any of the characters, or even a name. Maybe choosing a single person's POV, if not the hero then a simple soldier in their army, would help me feel more invested?

A very strong jam entry - you created a fleshed-out character and made good use of small namedrops and asides to show the reader that your story is taking place in a much larger world. Nice job!

Definitely one of the standout entries to me - you establish a strong voice for Haima, maintain it throughout the piece, and deliver a satisfying conclusion to an imaginative premise in a story that feels neither too long nor too short for 1000 words. Well done!

One of the standout stories of the jam to me - strong flow, good lines, and bravely tackling one of the pivotal moments of the setting! It did wind up feeling a little hurried to me, though - my suggestion would be to cut out a lot of the middle action, leaving just enough to establish the situation and the characters, and use the space you save to really give the arrival of the God-Queen the breathing room it wants.

I liked this one a lot - the rare Infected Colonies mention (with a sympathetic POV character too!) was unexpected and fun. 

I had a lot of fun reading this one - your flow is strong and your character voices are engaging. The ending leaves me confused, though -- I'm still not 100% sure why Archedes isn't reporting the goblin sitting right in front of him.

I was very impressed with the final stretch of this story - the truncated thoughts, your use of fragments rather than full sentences, it all served to underscore a sense of urgency. I enjoyed it a lot, and the only suggestion I have to really elevate it would be to use those same tools in the rest of the story as well. Nice job!

Glad you liked it!

Thank you!

Thanks for your kind words! It's always difficult to fully realize a culture in just a thousand words, and I'm glad it landed for at least one reader.

I had to go back and check, but... that was me too lol

I enjoyed this story a lot - you did a great job writing Alenzio's voice and gradually revealing more details of his... particular situation. It would have been very easy to write a boring story that takes place entirely in the head of one character with no external events, but you kept me hooked from the beginning right through to the end.

The formatting didn't do your story any favors, though - it really could have benefitted from some more paragraph breaks to improve its readability, and if you'd kept the template formatting (specifically the font size and line spacing), you'd have more space to play with in that regard.

This was a lovely story! It's engaging and memorable, with a fascinating sympathetic take on the Robot Legions and some good metaphor work. My sole complaint is the theme: it feels like it was worked in after the fact, instead of being an integral part of the story from the beginning, and to me that's the only thing holding this story back.

This one was a fun read - having factions squabbling among themselves instead of being completely monolithic is always a pleasant surprise!

This was a fun read! You did a good job building a sense of tension and atmosphere - it's like the better class of horror movie, one where the protagonists do just about everything right and it's still not enough to save them.

I really enjoyed this one - it's a fantastic concept and you executed it well. There are sections where you can't quite keep up with the flow you've established and the flow starts to stumble, but I respect every shot this story takes even if a few of them miss.

A good story with a fantastic ending! You leave the reader with just enough information to understand without rubbing their face in it.

This is definitely one of the standout stories of the jam for me. You have a great character voice and you kept me hooked from the very first paragraph to the poignant ending. Well done!

This was a very fun story to read! The strongest parts of it, especially in the second half, really give me Hitchhiker's Guide vibes in the best way possible.  The two halves of the story (the more high-level background at the beginning and the more personal story at the end) do feel a little disconnected to me, though, and I would have loved to see you cut some of the beginning to give the back half of the story the room to breathe it wants. I especially loved the reveal that the big scary extraterrestrial invaders were the Dwarf Guilds - it was a good pick over more "conventional" alien invaders like the Alien Hives or Robot Legions.

This one is a very well-written story with a lot of technical skill. I think the one thing missing that really would have elevated the story for me is a bit more explanation of the vines - how are they related to the elves? Is it just a 'defacing nature' thing or is there more at play? Having that relationship more clearly defined would have strengthened the story for me, but even without it it's still an engaging read!

I enjoyed this one quite a lot! It's well-paced with a satisfying conclusion, and my one nitpick is that the ending felt a bit like it came out of left field. Bazko's headaches were only partially effective at foreshadowing the twist and I think dropping some additional hints would have really made the dramatic irony shine.

The description of the biohazard as "pale blue streaks and puddles" and the whole situation on board the Verdant Anvil gave me major Expanse vibes. This was a fun one, and a rare Infected Colonies story is always a treat! 

I had a fun time reading this story, and despite occasional stutters the story (and especially the banter) flowed well. I do feel a little disconnected from the story unless I go back to previous jams and seek out the previous Captain Magma stories - I think the trial setting would have provided a good opportunity to go into a small amount of additional detail about the Fire Snappers' "crimes" and give the context this story really needs to stand alone.

Yeah, I thought the cleanest (and most interesting) way to make my concept fit the jam's limitations was to show the beginning and the end and let the reader (hopefully) fill in the middle. It definitely wasn't because I just didn't want to write the middle. As far as the relationship between the Battle Brothers, the Prime Brothers, and the Conduit: I think I have it right? The Prime Brothers lore blurb on the OPR website describes Primes as "proudly dedicating their brief lives to the Conduit and his cause". I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!

I'm glad you liked it! I was trying to capture that feeling in a way that's uniquely OPR rather than just being a 40K story with different names and I hope I succeeded.

Your character voice was very strong in this story - you did a great job of giving us Okzuchuut's unique perspective without letting it confuse the reader or get in the way of the story you were telling. Well done!

I really enjoyed this story - you fit a perfect amount of content into the jam limit, and the recorder as a framing device works well. The title is fun and the ending is punchy - nice job!

Thank you! I'm always happy to write about something that helps make OPR distinct from 40K.

Thanks for your feedback, I'm glad you liked my idea!

I enjoyed this story a lot, especially the Saint Bartholomew character voice, which I thought was very well done! The one thing that was missing for me was a way to tie it into the game and the setting - I think for this jam, the story would really benefit from being an Age of Fantasy story instead of just a fantasy one. This issue definitely didn't detract from my enjoyment of your story, though - nicely done!

This is defintely one of the highlights of the jam! The banter between Tristano and Zanni was fun, and the two intertwining narratives that finally get tied together at the end went from "neat" to "extremely impressive" because of how well you fit them into the word count/space restrictions with only a slightly rushed feeling.

An original (and very fun!) concept that plays well with the new GDF lore we've been getting - it feels fully integrated and not tacked on at all. I was hoping for a little more personal connection with the characters, though - maybe names, maybe more distinctive character voices - and I think that would have made the ending, and the robot reveal, hit that much harder. Overall, a very solid story!

Thank you!

You did a great job of working in some detail to flesh out the DAOU as a faction - in particular, I thought the bit about how they won't trust footage from an automated drone without an organic eye to verify it was a brilliant idea that fits perfectly with what we know about them. I couldn't help but feel a little let down by the ending, though; it felt like I'd just read the start of a much longer story rather than a complete shorter story.