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(+4)

I've been pacing for days trying to figure out how to word my own post-mortem so I guess this place is the best opportunity to narrow those rambles for a dev log LMAO.

As always, I can not wrap my mind around any semblance of the good without first acknowledging the bad, and so we'll start with the big ol' "I NEED TO CLARIFY EVERY PIECE OF INFORMATION" sticker that I so love.

Motivations

So, this was my first real solo dev project! I've dabbled with interactive fiction and have had my hand in contributing to and leading other projects, but this was the first one published that I can say was solely me and that I got to have a hand in creating at least some part of every aspect. Going into velox with at least a good familiarity with pacing operations, I was already well aware that I was going to go in biting more than I can chew. That sounds crazy and full of self-sabotage+copium but HEAR ME OUT!

I think one of the biggest hurdles for me in doing anything new is that there's millions of possibilities and what-ifs running through my head at all times. I'll be in bed, lying awake at night doing mental exercises on "how would I code this", "how would I implement this", "how can I put a twist on this", etc. All of these of course build an intimidating mental monster that makes it feel impossible to do anything that is not pushing me to my limits tm, combine that with my late lack of passion and you get one lethal serving of mind for any creative. So of course, going into this, I started with a plan that was far grander than anything I could accomplish in the time of the jam (having other work occupy me most days also was not a point in my favor), because all that mattered at the moment was just "I need to want to create this" without doubts of "I'm not doing enough" seeping in.

I went in with art block and writer's block, and while I can't say I don't still suffer from them, there's also that little shining light of "I can do this because I just did it." Take your victories as they come!

Elephants in the Room

Okay so let's address what anyone who'd play the game in its current state would realize: It's a little messy. Pretty messy.

UI has taken a step in a direction but it could always be improved, the singular track of music I managed to slip in will condition you into madness by the end of scene 1, there's oodles and boodles of grammar+spelling+punctuation errors, plot was thrown into hyperdrive midway through scene 3 to fit emotional beats in (which beat a little less when they get rushed so LMAO), the final scene and endings really show off that "oh she did this 15 minutes before submission time" status, overly large chunks of writing bleed out into the UI, I seem to find difficulty in keeping names straight much to the regret of the swan name mixups and the "odile" sprites that this build continues to vainly search for (seems like even I'm guilty for blending those two Od- sisters together), the code could get a little tlc in terms of minor errors/lack of variable implementation, a missing proper title logo, and there are sprites and CGs whose presence would greatly add to this feeling more like a full experience (catch that excuse I subbed in since I only had the sketch of Odette's swan sprite LOL). Besides that, there were other things I worked on that just didn't have time to be fully implemented in a way that would make sense (cough minigame segments cough I'll come back for you).

I can't say I LOVE the art, since it's not my actual style (I fully went in thinking I was just going to make little dot-eyed guys) and I'm more of a fan of dynamic shots but there are parts that pulled me out of my tortured artist slump, even if just for a moment. Wait, no, positive things belong in the next section.

Anyways.  With all that to say, do I think this game is a quality and polished experience that I'd stand by to represent what I'm capable of? Hell no. It's flawed as hell and runs like a car you left out all summer to melt. But it's my shabby car and I intend to stick by it, both at its lowest and its highest.

Inspo and Self-Glazing

I think by now we get the "I made something!!! Woohoo!!! I broke that barrier!!!" positive mindset manifesting so I'll graciously skip past it.

Can I just say I love tortured lady freaks? My main idea going into this jam and theme was to try and be unique (tm) with how I interpreted the theme. I'm sorry to say but those of us raised on Broadway and especially Wicked are damned to a continuous cycle of "okay, but consider this-" whenever looking at villains. The black swan had popped up once or twice in my head due to my history with the BCU (more on that in a second) and the occassional dabbles of media making her the sad little Eponine/Not that Girl/losing dog, however that didn't spring it to the forefront of my mind for this.

No, it was the idea of parasites, especially brood parasitism, that got my brain gears turning. "You shouldn't be here." You're an infiltrator, something causing damage to an environment not made for you; look at the camoflauged egg of a cuckoo bird in a warbler's nest, how it pushes other eggs and chicks to their deaths to monopolize food and attention, and you can start to see the linings of our "black swan". That combined with my initial planned endings of if you succeed builds the first half/route created by the prompt. Secondly, I wanted to do a zoom-in on the character in question herself, Odile. Physically to others, she shouldn't be there, but I also wanted to have her internally rocked by this.

Her situation, her existence and dependence and need to get her hands dirty--to her none of it is fair. Why should she be born into a hunger that she believes can only be quelled by taking from others (Also I must say, heavily inspired by MLP Changelings, shoutout to my eternal pony muses)? It's both a semi-valid and childish view depending on how hard you commit to it. Because being born into such a situation without proper understanding, and feeling demonized by doing what it takes to survive definitely isn't fair. But also Odile is able to take this to extremes, in a way giving into that starving mentality of "it isn't fair that everything that should be mine isn't mine" and "I am better than all of this and can never be blamed for any of my actions." She's presented by potential outs but she's so blinded by envy and spite that she can't even see them. Womp womp.

So depending on your choices, the text explores these routes, helping to form Odile into a more genuinely tragic character but also a very toxic and flawed person. I may be in her corner but Odile definitely does not get a pardon for everything she does and thinks, even if you can trace the origins of those thoughts. And although I want to go in and flesh+pace this out more, I'm pretty proud of some of the choices I made to get this across. Dramatic bitterness is oxygen to my lungs.

Aside from writing, I did have a fun time going back to mostly lineless art and making myself hard commit to using a singular brush to make everything. While the style isn't something I'd fully recognize as mine, I'd say I enjoy the clothing designs and the homages I paid to different production costumes considering clothing and I are like oil and water. A final little fun tidbit is that all the swans in the court are named after Barbie Movie protags! One must never forget their roots...

It takes a village to raise a game jam

This has got to be one of the most cross-dev involved game jams I've been in considering the voting system and the plentiful comments! While it is spooky for someone with the social chihuahua shakes like me whose instinct is to lie belly up and clarify every little thing, it's also been so welcoming and fun!

I've played games with topics and in formats I haven't really focused on before, and just seeing the unapologetic diversity in every aspect of all these devs and their creations is so motivating. Really helps with that "they're going to throw tomatoes at me for daring to breathe" fear that usually keeps me from commenting or posting. Not to mention, I feel like I've gained so many coding models that make renpy that much less intimidating. An entry could have a character sprite performing a little move transform and I'd be excitedly taking notes down in awe and admiration. Others' comments have also gotten me all puffed up and helped lessen that post-jam "I need to be sent to the shame room with a paper bag as a mask for making this" mental block, and I can say that I've definitely recovered a part of that passion that's been hibernating for the longest time.

Really, all I've been able to think about is "I can't wait for the next vf jam" and if luck is ever on my side, this won't be the last I see of the creators from this one. :3