Hoh. Sounds exciting, like, fundamental mechanisms or a fun premise or idea? Monster? Threat? ;0
You know what a good hook is? Horror with a RE Nemesis-like aggressive threats that gets stronger the more into the game, we need more of those IMO.
Right now it's mostly mechanical, like, you don't do a lot other than walk around and find things, and while it's intended to be a short enough game to kind of get what I can out of that, I'm still trying to find some other angle to make it more exciting, I dunno. Dwelling on it. If it's not super long maybe that's all it needs anyway.
I do think the Nemesis angle needs more attention; you don't see it worked with much. Like, if one of the requirements is that the Nemesis-like can be encountered on an unscripted/non-set piece basis, the only other thing I can think of is like...Hellnight, maybe? I think the critter in that evolves during the game and is randomly encounterable. I'll have to keep it in mind as I keep making horror games, it is a good idea :D
Hey there, i would definitely say your game has a great hook!
In the beginning i wasnt too clear on what my mission was or why i am now entering this building alone - but that might be because i am not a native speaker, not necessarily due to your writing.
Honestly i feel like your game is very promising and i would definitely buy it, should you finish developing it!!
kind regards