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(-1)

Amm... Hi. The character limit in Discord makes it difficult to provide detailed feedback, so I’m writing it here instead. I suggest creating a new channel in your Discord server specifically for feedback, without character limitations. This would make it easier for players to share their thoughts in detail and help you gather more actionable items for improving your game.

Feedback:

I just finished playing your game on Android, and I wanted to share some honest feedback. While I understand that this is an early-access title, there are several issues that significantly hinder the experience. I hope this critique helps you improve the game and move it in a better direction.

1. The Story

The story is one of the game’s weakest points. The pacing is awkward, the events feel forced and unnatural, and the overall narrative lacks cohesion or believability. As an adult game, it’s neither engaging nor erotic, which is disappointing. The NTR element feels like it’s there just for the sake of being NTR, rather than a natural development of the story. It lacks depth and purpose, which makes it frustrating rather than compelling.

2. Length and Writing

The story is extremely short. I understand this is an early release, but it took me about an hour to finish, and most of that time was spent enduring poorly written dialogue. The pacing is uneven, and the narrative feels rushed and underdeveloped.

3. Characters

The characters are another major issue. None of them are likable or relatable. Everyone comes across as morally questionable, and the protagonist is particularly weak in character and unremarkable. He’s easily manipulated, lacks agency, and has no redeeming qualities that would make a player want to root for him.

His wife and her child are portrayed as overly promiscuous without any depth or nuance, and Bella's infatuation with the MC feels baseless and unrealistic. There’s no meaningful backstory or context to ground any of the characters, which makes the entire cast feel flat and unconvincing. And the worst of them is Jesse, the MC's best friend.

4. Tone and Setting

The tone of the game is inconsistent. Despite the MC being in prison, none of the characters (including him!) seem to acknowledge or take the situation seriously. Instead, the narrative dives straight into adult content, which feels jarring and out of place. It comes across like a stereotypical and shallow adult film plot (e.g., "pizza delivery man meets a horny girl"). This undermines any potential for an immersive or engaging experience.

5. Patreon Paywalls

The way you’ve implemented the Patreon paywall is off-putting. Blocking parts of the game with a code feels scummy and disrupts the flow of the game. While I personally had no trouble obtaining the code, the process is frustrating and unnecessary. It leaves a bad impression, especially for a game that’s in its infancy and struggling to find its footing.

My suggestion is to avoid releasing a version of the game that requires a code to the public. Instead, provide a full version to your patrons through Discord or Patreon directly, and release a free, unrestricted version to the public that offers a glimpse of the game without hitting a paywall or releasing the full game after one month of the patrons having it. 

Your game is still in the early stages, and it shows. However, the approach you’re taking—both with the paywall and the overall quality of the game—makes it difficult to justify supporting it. To build a loyal player base and gain support, focus on improving the quality of the story, characters, and overall writing. Avoid using tactics that make you look like a scumy developer just looking to milk patrons.

I understand the importance of financial support for developers, and I’ve supported others who’ve earned my trust because their games feel worth it. They create products that are polished and engaging, and they come across as genuine and passionate about their work—not just about the money.

I hope you take this feedback as an opportunity to improve. I want to see this game succeed, but it has a long way to go.

Thank you for your detailed feedback, it means a lot to me!

To be honest, I receive a lot of feedback from players, and you are the first to have such serious criticisms about the writing or story. On the contrary, these aspects are usually considered the strongest part of my game, something people often praise and thank me for

That's why I was a bit surprised to read your review. I've been criticized for many things, but the story has rarely been one of them:)

From your review, I got the impression that the game has no redeeming qualities and requires a complete overhaul rather than improvements:) Your comments, like "lacks depth and purpose", "poorly written dialogue" and "cast feel flat and unconvincing" feel very broad and don't give me a clear idea of specific points to address. I must admit, I didn't enjoy Baldur's Gate 3 at all, and I could easily write a review similar to yours about it, it just wasn't for m:)

That said, I really appreciate your feedback and the time you spent on my work! I hope you’ll find the time and interest to revisit the game at some point in the future. I'm confident I'll be able to make it even better!!!

(+1)

I appreciate that you take feedback well. I don’t mean to discourage you, but based on your response, the input does sound like the game is irredeemable and did sound like I am trying to discourage you. 

It could also be that I’m accustomed to different styles of writing for character development and world-building—authors like Torimiata (Blurring the Walls), HangoverCa (The Edge Of), Caribdis (Eternum), and BCG (Moonripple Lake) to mention some. While I’m not saying they’re perfect, they excel in one or more areas like pacing, character backgrounds, motivations, and cohesive world-building.

In their stories, events feel interconnected—things happen because something meaningful triggered them, not arbitrarily. For example, extreme scenarios like a wife being tied up and abandoned on a train with random strangers feel implausible without proper buildup. Similarly, a scenario where the wife secretly works as a sex worker or waitress at night while telling her husband she’s at home in bed feels inconsistent, especially when her goal is to help him get out of jail and he's the one who asked her to join the night shift. There’s no clear reason for her to hide this from him. That’s what I meant when I said, “His wife and her child are portrayed as overly promiscuous without any depth or nuance.”

That said, if you’ve built a community that appreciates your story for what it is and how you’re currently writing it, my feedback might not be as helpful as intended. I also understand that not every story will appeal to everyone, and I can live with that.


I enjoy reading, and I can be a bit picky about what I read. Even so, I want to commend you for being receptive to feedback. If I came across as harsh, that was never my intent. Keep up the good work!