I could nitpick on the handling of ranks and format of some of the dialog but my main feedback would be that the start and middle was way too detailed for the amount that was actually happening to forward the story. Personally I was into it, because I'm a sucker for tactical jargon and realistic military settings in scifi, but from a story perspective, the limited word count could hav ebeen used more efficiently. On the whole, it was fun to read =)