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Nice and fun story. There are things here and there I'd change, but it's probably just because of different writing styles. Overall, good entry.
Thanks for the story! I think you really wrote a very clear story, plenty of foreshadowing to what would ultimately be the main climax of the story (maybe too much but I’m not sure since it really drove home the meticulousness of the sergeant). Loved that your mood board had real minis!
you really set the story up well. The characters were introduced well and set up. The setting was well put together.
+good job painting those HDF. It makes a story so much better knowing that it’s someone’s little dudes.
Thank you. Just wait until the next jam.
You got lots of the lingo down (did you serve by chance?) but the narrative needs work. I like the thrust of the story and where you’re going with it, but there are some elements that need fleshed out. Overall, not a bad story. Fits the theme of grim dark, and the main character makes it work with what he’s got giving you the “creative resources” bit. Needs some editing- which I think you can do before the timer is up. Love the pics of the minis. It’s apparent you do the hobby as the hobby is intended to be done- a fellow gamer after my own heart.
I did serve by the way. Oh and you are right elements are missing. That was deliberate as I tried to work within the word count constraint. I agree it could be better with more editing but I am fighting a nasty sinus infection and do not have any more energy for it. Next Jam I will be better prepared. I had one beta reader to help with the editing so there was that. I am also going to add to the story in the next Jam making it a series kind of thing. I mean what happened to Sgt Wong? Will he make it through Storm Trooper Selection course?
You got lots of the lingo down (did you serve by chance?) but the narrative needs work. I like the thrust of the story and where you’re going with it, but there are some elements that need fleshed out. Overall, not a bad story. Fits the theme of grim dark, and the main character makes it work with what he’s got giving you the “creative resources” bit. Needs some editing- which I think you can do before the timer is up. Love the pics of the minis. It’s apparent you do the hobby as the hobby is intended to be done- a fellow gamer after my own heart.