Good name and impulse, I think the tone is really strong on this. The narrative rhythm with the great void looming and the corpse sun dying is also great.
Also reminds me of a similar planet in Foundation.
Viewing post in Cadersain: A Moon Slowly Drowning jam comments
Thanks! Yeah, I had fun putting it together and imagining everything kind of spinning through its motions as a place to visit.
It's been so long since I read Foundation that I don't recall that planet there, but it wouldn't surprise me if I was drawing from that a bit too; there's a lot of good 'dying Earth' stories that I've enjoyed and wanted to pull the feel of.