I love it!! You do a fantastic job of setting the scene -- both the large-scale setting and the immediate physical reality of the character. Your description of the beach, the water, and the pebbles were particularly memorable. I also liked that you made regular references to the POV character's clothing and such; it helped me visualize her appearance and put myself in her shoes. The canoe-dodo transformation confused me a little. Why do I think the dodo is a canoe? Is it hollowed out like a canoe? Was I hallucinating? It might make that section smoother if you specify that -- even though the whole story is pretty fantastical, it always feels coherent, besides that one spot. Most of the other rough patches I'm inclined to point out are sections that you specifically mentioned will be cleaner in the final version. I'd love to play this when it's finished!!