Thank you so much for the feedback! I'm especially glad you enjoyed the dialogue, since that's an area I think I've been weak in and have been working to improve :)
And thanks for the critique about the intro. I wanted it to convey some of the protagonist's personality/background, but I'm not sure how much character dev you really need/want for what is essentially a self-insert character, and I especially don't want the beginning of the story to be tedious. May trim this section.