itch.io

I say we also remove the upvote button. I feel particularly bad when I see other people getting more upvotes than me.

We should also get rid of analytics. Knowing I'm not getting millions of views on my week-old game here is driving me to drink.

Going further in the interest of protecting people's feelings, we should remove comments since any criticism against one's opinion is its own kind of downvote. You should delete this post because it is a criticism against itch.io and that hurt their feelings.

Keeping in the spirit of protecting people, we should ban social media. Seeing other people having more followers and doing things I can't makes me feel down. That can't be allowed. No one should feel any sort of negativity for any reason. Let alone during a voluntary, public activity using third-party software online.

Pushing onward to the utopia of perpetual happiness, we should ban friends. Some people have more friends than I do and therefore might be happier than I am. Such sinful decadence.

While we're cleaning up society to minimize the downsides of one's own choices, let's shoot everyone in the leg. There are some people in the world who have been hurt by one thing or the other. Why should some go on through life with two legs while there are people with one or no legs? It's downright greedy to not suffer the whims of fate. So let's push her hand and just put a cap in us all.

And finally, let's all stop eating. There are people who can't taste and watching us enjoy food is the ultimate downvote. I expect everyone reading this, particularly Suspense Comix, the true visionary who thought up the first step in our new future. To be the first in line to stop eating and show us all the way to a more perfect union.