I completly agree with you in everything you said. I tried to use the most polite words I could write to not be harsh with my thoughts. I tried to be everything but harsh, but yeah, maybe give him such a big text so early on development, can be seen as a little to much, hahaha. He is putting effort, love and passion in this work and it shows. And I know that, as time passes, this VN will become incredible.
With that being said, I gave my feedback because, as a fellow writer that I am, I know that sometimes, some expressions or ideas I use (in my native language or in english), can look good, but then, when I put my work out there for people to read, it may be a little confusing. And its even harder when you try to translate it. Its a mess sometimes, hahaha.
Noting bad or outerly wrong in his writing, as I stated in my feedback, just some minor fixes to make everything smooth and to be as much inmerssive as it can be. I gave my point of view more of as the type of feedback my friends give me with my writing than from a critic, I think, but yeah, I recorgnice what you tell me and I also aprecciate your feedback to my feeeback, haha.
Hugs to you, man.