I've never used GBStudio myself, but the graphics and audio are great, and perfectly capture the feel of old GB titles. I definitely noticed some of the spelling mistakes, etc. in the story, and this was the one thing that really distracted me during my playthrough. If this is a story-driven game, and text is a major part of it, then I would recommend continuing to re-work the story and getting someone to help edit spelling and grammar mistakes (or use a tool like Grammarly). You can refine a story just like you can refine gameplay, and a second, third, or even fourth revision will probably be more concise and focused than the first draft, which would help with the length of the intro. Good luck with it, and nice work so far!
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Thank you for you feedback, i was thinking on that. I was checking the dialogs and i agree with you, they can be polished, also i found i can rewrite the game and insert some actions here and there to make it more enjoyable and keep the story. I've never used Grammarly, thank you for this recomendation i will check it!
Glad you have enjoyed the graphics and sound and for your time playing and commenting.