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(+1)

Great tension and mystery! Very intense imagery and descriptions; if there'd been more than one page, it would have been a page-turner for sure.

The biggest issue with the piece are all the technical errors---spelling, punctuation, capitalization, etc. It really needed a thorough editing pass or two (or more). I could ignore most of the issues, but some of them really took me out of the story and required me to stop and think about what you were trying to express (e.g. "is Volt catches me I'm dead", "Volt looked as you", "Volt wasxeasy to take", and "the figure snares").

Please keep writing! You have a wonderful way with describing intense scenes. But please also work on taking time to edit and polish. It'll make a huge difference!

(1 edit)

Thanksfor reading and giving feedback. I fully intend on reworking this after and sharing it in on FB and Reddit. I also intend on fleshing it out more. I want to know what the black eyed creature was.

I was using word on my tablet. I don't know what it is but it's autocorrect really likes to mess with me. Think I'm gonna go back to grammerly