So to summarize, it's primarily a pacing issue? We can fluff up the scene a little bit with extraneous detail easily enough, I just assumed people wouldn't want something dragged out when it wasn't going to lead to something explicit. Although the more tender things we should be fine to work in (such as the licking from Tyson).
I'm a little stuck however when it comes to the amount of what's reasonable for certain characters wildly outweigh others:
- Orlando/Tyson/Dean have long-standing affection for Dave in varying degrees so to this end Orlando got the short end of the stick and should be fixed accordingly. (Granted he's a lot messier in the sack than the other two)
- Roswell/Sal/Hoss all fit under the 'still figuring it out' umbrella with varying levels of sexual drive. So there being this same level of romantic tenderness doesn't really seem appropriate.
And that's kind of where adding dialogue in random places doesn't really work either as a quick fix. On one hand we have to balance the mystery, which is supposed to be the main focus, but also not overshadow it which to my own failing I've botched. Still, for someone like Sal to start opening up during the vacation and Dave becoming closer to him as a friend doesn't leave much in the character arc to start reminiscing freely about backstory when we're also in the shoes of a depressed hyena.
I'll see if I can think of a solution but it's not going to be a simple fix I think.