I really love the concept of this story - sounds really interesting and original, and I'm looking forward to seeing where you choose to take it. Currently it's a bit too little to judge or really capture me, but it's certainly not bad for a start.
That being said, it might be a good idea to get a beta reader to correct the spelling mistakes (there are quite a few of them), repetitions, punctuation, and syntax. It's a bit messy, and at times can be confusing and/or really disrupts the flow and impact of the story.
Good luck though!