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(3 edits) (+5)(-11)

The music is amazing, the art is that lovely soft pastel kind, and the meta concept is cool and fun-scary buuuut! The MC is unlikeable imo. They're written like everything is kind of a bother if you choose even a relatively tame negative reaction, but if you do choose to go for yandere boy, MC becomes conveniently stupid ignoring the tell-tale signs (as in, ready to jump on that d*ick kind of stupid). The latter is perhaps acceptable for convenience but maybe change how they narrate so they don't sound so judgey or at least so they sound more neutral? If they choose certain options THEN make them more inclined to narrate in a certain way, is what I suggest. Additionally, maybe not make it so that even though the narration is in first person they somehow have eyes on the back of their head (i.e. "I didn't notice him hungrily trailing his eyes on my behind", etc.). First person narratives should only encompass things that the narrator themselves notice with us, being the player, picking things up on the background for context clues. Lastly, I know the guy is a yandere and all, but maybe make his advances and actions a little less obviously desperate. I mean, I know he is desperate but him getting what he wants hinges on him acting... not so creepily into us after we literally just got home invaded. The option to have him over at our place after Violet warns me about a break-in had me internally screaming (more of in panic). A tip I can suggest to ensure the dialogue is more subdued and manipulative is this: if the yandere boy were replaced with someone not-so-handsome, would the lines be interpreted as creepy af? Could anyone irl be able to get away with saying that shite without being branded a creep? Unless the plan is he's edited even how we respond and narrate so he could get his best endings as easily as possible.

That aside, this critique was made in mind cuz I really want it to succeed. It's such a nice concept and you're only early on the story so I wanna see it work. Best of luck to you!

(1 edit) (+10)(-1)

I don't agree with most of this, but I have to admit that I also thought MC was a bit judgy and grumpy by default. It's not a big deal! But I did notice it. 

Would I love having a less... judgmental and tired of people MC? Yes, but really the game is so perfect in everything else that I don't really mind. It's more of a personal preference than a critique of any kind! <3 

Still the best yandere game, and best yandere (Ren<3) I've come across. I highly recommend everyone to check out the Tumblr and Curioscat, the author is hilarious and we get fed SO well!       

GO!✺◟( ⑅❛ั ᴗ ❛ั ⑅)◞✺GO!

PS: Also, we have to remember that the dev is doing all of this for FREE! We really can't ask more of her, like. FOR FREE? We get 14 Days with Renren for FREE? dies, but comes back to life to keep playing

(+2)

I am with you on that. The fact that it is free AND well drawn/written overall makes it a clearly good gift for the yanVN community. Aaaand, considering there are about 14 days, is it not rational to be a bit cranky on the first? Anyway, kudos to the creator; cannot wait for what she has prepared for us all sinners!

Deleted 2 years ago
(2 edits) (+3)

Again, this is all my personal take. My suggestions. I don't rly mind if the author doesn't pay heed to it or not. It's just the 2 cents of a random internet stranger to them, after all. I do not however rescind any of my opinions on the matter as, after playing through the endings again, my thoughts remain the same. -w-; I'm posting this cuz I am genuinely surprised I got comments and several downvotes, though the feedback to my comment is appreciated... I guess? And thank you for not wishing to my death as I woulda expected from longform replies from comments haha.

(+8)

Hi!! Thank you for leaving such an insightful and in-depth review (/pos!). I just figured I'd clear a few things up since your comment seems to be warranting a few unnecessary downvotes. It's perfectly okay to have your own opinion on the internet (so long as it isn't hurting anyone), and I'm grateful for you letting me know what I can do to improve the game.

In regards to the MC's personality: I initially wrote the MC that way because I grew up playing traditional otome games where the MC would always be this ditzy and clueless protagonist with minimal (if any) personality traits. I didn't really want that for my MC, and preferred to have someone who was still very stereotypical, yet relatable enough for the player to connect with. I personally think it adds more flavour to the dialogue and sets the MC apart from all the other characters in the game — but If the "judgy" mindset is really bothersome for most people, I'd be more than happy to re-write the script so that it seems more neutral and less opinionated!

As for your concern about the first-person perspective: I simply wanted there to be little details and context clues scattered about for the actual player to pick up on — especially ones that gave off eerie vibes — but I didn't really know any other way to go about it. I'm used to writing in second-person, so adding those little quips felt like second nature to me (and I ended up doing it without even thinking). However, I ultimately decided against writing in second-person because the pronoun usage became a bit confusing at one point (i.e. if both the MC and Ren used he/him pronouns, it was difficult to differentiate between the two. For example: "he nods his head as he reaches over to grab his book"), and I ended up overusing the same deceptive terms in order to avoid it (the pink-haired man, your neighbour, the short, blonde woman, etc.). Regardless, if the context clues become annoying or very obvious while in the first-person perspective, then I'll try to stop doing it in future updates!

Lastly, I completely understand where you're coming from in regards to Ren seeming a bit too creepy and desperate, but that's genuinely how I wanted him to be perceived. That's how his character was written; it's literally part of his personality. Ren isn't meant to be a subtle yandere with a creepy undertone; he's a very socially awkward guy who blurts out things without thinking, and doesn't take into consideration that the way he comes off might seem creepy — at least, not until after he says it. I don't think I'll tone down his creepy behaviour in future updates simply because that's how I want him to be perceived as a character, but I'll definitely be taking your thoughts into consideration for future updates!

But thanks again for leaving your review! I'm very happy to hear that you enjoyed the music, the art-style, and the overall vibe of the game! Also, I hope my response doesn't come off as rude or dismissive; I'm not trying to be! I always try to take everyone's feedback into consideration when further developing the game, but I just genuinely wanted to explain my thought process behind some of these things and to clear up any concerns that you (or anyone else) might've had. Thanks again, and I hope you have a great day ^^