Post by Zuri in Straight!? comments

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Wow! I tried a few games on this platform and this definitely stood out! Honestly, I was primarily going for a nsfw game and this game is not primarily about nsfw—BUT that doesn't change that I'm pretty impressed by the game. It has enough nsfw content, but the plot is strong enough to stand out on its own. The plot doesn't serve the nsfw content, it's deep, it's thoughtful and the slow pacing is realistic. This game is addictive, like literally. I know, the game is still in development, so don't interpret my feedback as harsh. Whatever I criticize now, you might already know and want to change when you go over it. Furthermore, these are small points of criticism, so they don't diminish the quality of the game:

Sometimes, there are long parts without "decisions". There are some points at which you'd be able to add some decisions. Even though, it doesn't change the outcome that much, eases the experience in my opinion
Even though, they point it out in-game, parts of the game feel like running in circles with ever the same activities and dialogues. I'm pretty sure, you can add a bit to that and probably already work on that
Some locations (especially the lecture hall) seem to be pretty empty. I know that you didn't want to add too many characters and Ernie appearing and disappearing makes it a bit more interactive but there is—yet slight—room for improvement, I guess

Last but not least, who wrote the verbal exchanges between Zack and Braden? Kudos to them? They are absolutely off the scale. I just love these dialogues 👍🏻

Aaryn2 years ago(+1)(-1)

Heya Zuri,

Thanks for checking in and I'm glad the game stood out from such a large website here. The search function around here is also pretty hard to navigate too so I'm glad you stumbled across me however that may have happened.

That being said, I take criticism pretty well and most of the limitations I've had with this story could probably be summarized as inexperience and budget. All of the things you've noted are things that I've either considered or are aware of. Since you took some time to write a lengthy post, I'll do the same for a response. A lot of the "decision" type stuff was something that I slowly moved away from because of organizational problems. When you're mapping these VNs out, choices and the variables can quickly get out of hand. For example, a few years ago, I was trying to do the poker scene and I had every hand have a winner and loser, that alone quickly branched out to like 60 different paths in one scene. It was insane. I'll also admit that my concentration is absolute garbage. If you spent any time in the Discord or talked with me on voicechat, you'd see how quickly I can derail myself. So because of that, I made the conscious decision to limit the choices to a number that I could handle. I decided I'd have less choices and try to do those routes right rather than have choices everywhere and just lose focus on everything. That being said, I plan on doing a revamp based on what I've learned and there will likely be some things added in if I have the budget and time to do it. So we'll see. But yeah... you're totally right. The choices are limited here.

2. Running in circles. So that part is likely going to be fixed on the revamp. The reason that plays out like that is this game started in 2017 and the majority of the adult games were grind-based. You had skill points that you had to grind up by doing the same events over and over and then eventually unlock the next tier. That required more coding skill and to be honest, I'm pretty awful at that so I slowly just moved away from it. I tried to quick fix the beginning but it's still pretty bad to the point that I can't even play it anymore. So I want the story to be more linear like it is post-chapter 3 (I think that's when the circles stopped).

3. Empty school. This one is kinda funny and I'll make fun of myself. Truth is that the reason the school is empty is because of computer issues. When I started, I could only render one model at a time in the screens mostly. That lasted until a *spoiler hint here * certain park scene with motion. After that, I was able to upgrade the computer system I have based on Patreon donations and after that scene, you noticeably see a little more detail. over time, I gradually was able to add more people in until hit about 5 max. Which brings me to the current rig. I now have a new computer based on Patreon donations and I can get about 10 people in and maybe more. The tradeoff is that it takes hours to position all those for every shot so it does slow down production but it looks better. We'll likely see more students in the school during the revamp. In fact, there's a sarcastic dialogue line in the game somewhere where I have one of the characters say that sometimes it feels like they're the only students there--- that's me totally busting myself out :p

4. Dialogue is all me except Blayke, my co-writer wrote the scene in the car where they're driving to a sandy location. If you spent 5 minutes talking to me, you'd know where that dialogue came from, lol. I write exactly like I talk :P

Zuri2 years ago (1 edit) (+1)(-1)

Heya Aaryn,

Thank you for your equally lengthy reply! I don't know, how I found it. I played three other games before, but yours was the only one that made me literally addicted. Funny that this is not the only time, I was looking for nsfw stuff and ended up with something not primarily nsfw that I absolutely love ^^

Yeah, I absolutely see your point. Maybe I should add that I'm a web application developer, so I know what coding is like. However, despite looking into game development a couple of times, I always had loads of respect for those who choose that field of software development since the focus is pretty much on details that happen in a split second or influence almost every other detail during the progress of playing the game.

What I called "decisions" could be roughly divided into two or three sub categories: On one hand, we have the "influential decisions" that would make stuff quite complicated as you said, but then we have more like "conversation topics" that don't matter, and the player can just decide the order in which they take place or skip them. I don't say, that a game should be cluttered with decisions, I sometimes get bored when I have to click over and over again without being challenged with making decisions every now and then—I hope, that makes sense. Or to put it a little different: If it feels more like a continuous movie, maybe the dialogue should proceed without me having to click all the time :D Especially the inner monologues at night, where the background is all black could be over the whole screen to have fewer pieces to click through.

3. Yeah, I like your meta jokes very much. It's good to have that kind of humor as a creator 👍🏻 Thanks for sharing a few technical details with me. I am constantly curious how this or that was implemented.

4. Actually, I haven't talked to you yet, but it sounds like it would be great fun, and I'd be a fool if I miss out on a chance to. However, I neither
have Discord nor Patreon—turns out, I'm a fool after all.

Aaryn2 years ago(+1)(-1)

haha, no worries on the Discord or Patreon. I'll be uploading the update over here 3 weeks after I release it on Patreon. The Patreon donations just help with all the expenses and stuff so they get first dibs.

And yep, I agree with you on the decisions and stuff. So one thing you may not have considered (and honestly I still can't get over this part even after a few years now). But one problem with putting large reading sections on the screen at the same time deals with non-English speaking readers. I honestly still don't know how non-English readers can get through my writing with all the generational slang but thousands do. But there's been loads of people that will copy this game into Google translate line by line. You simply can't do that when you make it into a movie or animated sequence. There's one sequence that has words on it in the game and I didn't do any more than that because I didn't wanna leave the non-English speakers out. I assume that copying that into translate would be just as complicated if I loaded a wall of text as a slide (kinda like I did my giant damn thank you page).

Another weird writing quirk I apparently had with this project is that I frequently say that I "lost control of the characters." At some point, this story began writing itself and I found myself, even as the writer, not really having choices on what they did. That sorta got passed down to the reader as well. I figured if I didn't get a say in this outcome anymore, than neither is the reader. We're in it together and for some reason, I kinda like that. The fact that I couldn't control outcomes made me more anxious as nervous as a reader. The tense scenes seemed more tense because i couldn't go back and choose something better to rescue them. I kinda like that

Zuri2 years ago(+1)(-1)

Donating works from over here as well ^^ And honestly, the game is worth every cent, possibly more. And you really deserve that for the effort you put into all of this.

As a non-native speaker, I can tell that I have seen "worse"- Your writing didn't bother me and I don't recall any hard to read parts. People might wanna switch from Google Translate to Deepl.com. That one uses neural language processing (fascinating topic tbh) and translations feel quite natural. Have you considered making the game multi-language by letting the community input translations? But that might be a lot of extra work. I just thought, if they already kinda did that for themselves, they might wanna share it with others this way. Yeah, I imagined my solution looking kinda like your thank you page indeed.

Here's another thought, I just had on this: Maybe, some people want to skip optional monologues. How do you feel about adding something like a "page x of y" (maybe more like "(x/y)") on the bottom?

I absolutely what you mean about that aspect of writing. This is sometimes just wild. It often times feels like the story already exists out there (Plato might have called that "World of Forms"—sorry for getting philosophical ^^) and it somewhat just flows through you, your arm, your hand, your fingers and your pen onto the piece of paper or the keyboard onto the screen. Another thing I do while plotting for a story, I wait for an idea to ripe. Sometimes, the way, I wanted that one subplot to play out, just doesn't feel right to one of my characters. In that case, I wait longer until the character comes up with a slight alteration that keeps the general idea intact while making it coherent for the character to decide or act a certain way toward a specific goal.

Zuri2 years ago (3 edits) (-1)

Ash being meta?

I'm pretty sure, Ash wouldn't have played the game :D Don't tell me, you didn't have him say that on purpose :P

I just finished v0.20.5, and you absolutely killed it with the "Never have I ever" bar scene. I was laughing my ass off and with every line of dialogue I thought, you couldn't top that, but boy was I wrong! I said it before, and I say it even more now: There was sex in there, and it was good, but it was nothing compared to characters, story, emotions and humor. I could finish the character's sentences—that's how well you introduced us to each of them. In the spirit of 'honest day' I have to admit that I couldn't help but join them playing 'Never have I ever'—it was just too much fun—well, I know, it is ridiculous. I actually don't remember the last time I laughed THAT much. You should really consider, continuing to use your talent—I'd so love to see more of that, and I'd miss it, if I couldn't. Your frienda must enjoy playing drinking games with you so much! And you were right about the language thing: I actually had to look stuff up 😅—not much, but still.

Aaryn2 years ago(+1)(-1)

haha, yep. I like to make fun of myself sometimes-- especially some of the natural weaknesses of the game or things that were developmental problems. There's also a line in the game somewhere about them feeling like they're the only people in the school sometimes because my original rig couldn't handle more than like 3 people in a frame before it would overheat.

And glad you liked the bar "Never have I ever" scene. it's goofy and fun but also and easy to way tap into some theory and backstory with the characters

Zuri2 years ago(-1)

The milky nebular is beautiful

Dr Oetker actually made a fish finger pizza after someone suggested that combination on Twitter

Zack even finally got classmates 👍🏻

Even if you hadn't incorporated Mikhail's beard into the conversation, I'd still think, it'd be a great visual storytelling device

Even when he's gone, Ashley never stops to amaze me. That plant porn story is hilarious!

Even though, people might enjoyed an anal sex scene, what we got instead, was so much more authentic and human—thank you for constantly incorporating these important topics in a very sensitive way. And this emphasizes once more that the game, despite being tagged as nswf, is more than that, much more.

When Mikhail talks about the word "friend", I wondered if you call anyone an acquaintance except for when you want to offend them. I have the feeling that we Germans differentiate more than you do in the US.

The ending is interesting: When Zack arrived at the train station, I wondered what could possibly follow because he'll just drive home. But you weren't finished, granted. I still hadn't figured out what was lying ahead and even though, the metaphor about the woman with the suitcase was well-chosen, you didn't catch my attention there. But then, I thought, well, of course, he has to make the call to his parents, and you finally give us that happy ending. You proved me wrong once again. Your revelation that Zack tells this story actually came a bit bumpy. But when Bradon is revealed to sit right opposite of Zack, and they talk, I couldn't stop these tears from falling.

Your illustration of the moments they shared is neck and neck with your milky nebular frame

It's funny, that I thought, Zack should just go with Bradon when that topic first came up. But of course, even though, his parents didn't answer the phone, he needed that moment for himself before he could go with his now-boyfriend and so did Bradon with his epiphany

I can't thank you enough for this outstanding piece of (he)art you've shared with us. I enjoyed this roller coaster ride like not many others. I sincerely hope that we have not seen the last of you.

Aaryn2 years ago(+1)(-1)

glad you enjoyed it all <3

itch.io

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