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(+5)

I'm sorry. I'm not sure how valid my advise is. I don't even know whether I should comment or not. But here I am... I come from a different cultural background, but to me your hubby sounds like a 100% momma's boy and your family in law should mind their own business. Especially his mother. You aren't wrong. You aren't bad. You aren't a disappointment. Everything about this situation sounds like old-fashioned over the top conservative bollocks. You shouldn't need to fight for your right of living your own life. You shouldn't feel trapped. Because that's what they do (Energy vampires). Or at least it sounds like that to my ears.

Your husband is stuck in the past and sounds like one of those "women should behave" numb-nuggets. Then there's the stereotypical "dragon" mom. It's 2022.


I don't want to give up, but if he keeps taking his mother's side and didn't consider my feelings, that I need him, how is he my husband?
...........
I found out that he didn't even know why I was upset in the first place... I mean, he didn't even listen to me when I exploded and talked about many things?

I'm very sorry... but no. He is not. You should be the priority. I... ah. If he magically doesn't make a 180° turn very soon then I don't see how this will last. To be frank I can only see it getting worse from here on. He showed you his face after making this marriage official. Either "divorce" yourself from them or you bend yourself to such a painful degree at which you aren't even yourself. I don't think it's wise to let this "recent" thing turn into a sunk-cost fallacy on your side. Go while you still can.

(+5)

Hi, Amberbaum!
Yes, I suppose one of the problems with Chinese families are the traditions? There are good ones, but there are also some questionable ones... Like, we must be filial and follow the parents' rules without questioning right or wrong. Which is why I wanted for us to buy a house and pay instalments instead of living with the in laws. But when he said he wanted to inherit the store, which is right next door and promised that his mother won't be so overbearing, I compromised--which is a mistake. 

I trusted him, but he never stood up for me when it involved his mom. One problem led to another, and when he kept underestimating said problems/tell me to ignore it (even when the relatives talk bad about him). I exploded.

After everything is said and done, he has made his choice and I've come to accept that some things are just not meant to be...

Still, I must say I'm pretty lucky. I have a lot of people supporting me, especially here, where I kept coming back to re-read all your comments :') It gave me strength and here I am, picking up the pieces and hopefully, I'll come back stronger.

Thanks again, Amberbaum!
xoxo,

SweetChiel

(+2)

He probably hopes that if he ignores it long enough that it will "just go away". Meaning you will give up and submit yourself to whatever him and his mother want.

Please remember that before you meet him you were fine, whole and were able to be happy. That's what my mother said to herself when my father left us. It will feel really bad and even numbing. But it's better to leave now, especially when you guys don't have any kids and while being financially independent. Whatever the future holds for you I hope you'll find something better. Maybe you won't even care about marriage and will be happy with just being a couple with whoever is going to be your love. Who knows...

Anyway... Your husband is a muppet. I wish you all the best. Eat something nice. Hug your mom.