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I really love this submission, the presentation is absolutely fantastic and it has a lot of attitude. All the new traits and other mechanics introduced are really cool, and the references added to enemies weapons weapons is a really fun touch and something I will consider for my own creations in the future. I really loved all the in-universe quotes sprinkled throughout the text as well, they were all very fun.

A few suggestions I would offer would be:

  • Putting the missions before the mechanics information. As I was reading I was very eager to see how all the mechanics were going to come into play so I think presenting the lore parts of the document first might be a good idea!
  • Add a dice table for the portions where it suggests the referee choose an outcome. Sometimes when running games it can be tricky to decide on what you want to happen to the party, and the referee can end up second-guessing decisions if things end up being too easy or hard. Therefore, it is always nice to have a dice table option so RNG can be blamed.
  • For the final mission, it might be a bit tricky for players to imagine their characters coming up with a way to cause the EQUATION to delete itself if they are all muscle-head tough people (something that happens in my games more often than you'd think). I think it would be good to offer a few alternatives to allow this to manifest, such as a member of the SOCIETY betraying their comrades and offering to assist, or something ridiculous like asking riddles or chicken and egg problems.

I really want to run this with my friends sometime. I think there is awesome opportunities for twists at the end, such as one of the characters not realising the EQUATION faked it's demise and sneaked out using them. Looking forward to more content from you!

(1 edit) (+1)

Thanks! Your suggestions are all on point, and I'll definitely look for a way to work these into a revision. Of course, I always intend to revise my work and then never seem to find time...

I think the random table idea is a great one, both for players and for me as a creator to help organize my thoughts. Ironically, while I love having them in games, I often struggle to put them together, so that might take me a little while. Having alternative solutions to the final scenario also makes a lot of sense.

If you do run this, I'd love to hear any feedback you have!