The real question you should ask yourself is do you want to be a game developer or an engine tester?
"Nearly all of them have terrible little quirks that disqualify them as valid options." - This just comes off really ignorant.
"Does anybody know of one you could point me to that might solve this need?" - What need bro? All you've said is you want an engine that's perfect. I don't know what you expect, honestly.
"I'm running out of precious little time to get some work done, or else I'll have to abandon this pursuit all together." - You have precious little time yet you waste all of your time on small blemishes. Have you ever completed a game? Do you even know what you're actually looking for? Do you think if you find the perfect engine you'll make the perfect game? Indeed, you should look at abandoning this pursuit, because I think you're very confused on what game development entails.
You just come off super pretentious, and ignorant, bro.