Thank you so much for all this feedback. I do have a habit of slipping into the wrong tense at times and that definitely backfired on me here. Additionally I have realized that I failed to inject my perspective on the story here, and that has spurred me to do some revision. I'd love to talk in detail about this but I'll leave it at that to save everyone reading a wall of text in the comments section.
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Rereading my own comment, I think the tense thing came across as sharper than I meant it to sound. For a work which has to be composed in 48 hours, the occasional editing blip is to be expected.
I'm glad you found my feedback useful in any case. Let me reiterate that I did really like your work. It was very powerful, and I hope your revisions add to that strength!