Gave this one a shot and I wanted to offer some notes from someone who puts way too much thought into this kind of thing:
First, the positives:
- I can tell you've put a significant amount of effort into portraying a more difficult time period. It's the hard path, given that most resources are designed for modern stories, and that it requires you to put in so much more research on historical details/specifics (though I assume that, like me, you find that half the fun), but I really appreciate that you've chosen a less common road. I'd much rather read or play something creative or new, even if it's flawed, then see the millionth version of the same *cough* college *cough* story, no matter how good it might be (and it usually isn't).
- There is a balance that I've noticed is difficult for many writers to properly keep in historical works: either they try to imitate the speech too much, and end up producing unintelligible nonsense, or they abandon it entirely with speech so casual I wouldn't even like it in a modern game. But in your writing you've done fairly well at embodying the spirit of the age without being constrained by it. I do think it could use a little work in some parts here or there, but the dialogue is quite decent - for example, I would single out the mother's dialogue and renders for packing quite of bit of character into a what is a very short interaction.
On the more constructive side:
- You've done as well as I realistically think you could have in portraying the time period regarding the environments and characters (and good work on that!) but I think your renders, particularly lighting, could be improved. I do not find it to be annoying, nor is it a huge issue for me (substance over visuals, in my opinion) but I believe others may differ on this.
- There are still a few typos and grammar issues. They're not common, but they're there, e.g. "I can of" should be "I kind of", presumably. But I am extremely picky on this issue in particular, and even I found few of them - you might even want to take this one as a compliment.
- The MC is a dingus. There are a couple moments of dingus-ery, but I'm mostly talking about this: did he really not know his position in the line of succession? Did he somehow forget what would most likely be the defining fact of his existence? If the reason you wrote that was give exposition to the player, please rethink that choice. I imagine you don't want to bombard the player with historical details in ways that might confuse them, but on the whole I suggest erring on the side of authenticity over simplicity. That's my preference, at least.
And, sadly, the negative:
- It's only chapter 1! It sounds facetious, but I actually kind of mean that in a serious sense; there's not much content yet, and I don't feel very attached to the characters so far. Given the importance of that in this medium I thought I would mention it, but I also think it's fair to assume that time (and further chapters) will give more depth and possibly solve this 'issue'.
On a special note, I very much like the plot idea that you've teased of having an unrequited love between Sally and the MC to complicate the other paths. It's interesting by the very virtue of how rare it - for obvious reasons - is in the genre. I'm kind of hoping you develop it in that direction, but I doubt that's what you're actually planning, going forward - again, for obvious reasons. I wouldn't blame you for moving away from that direction, anyway.
I played both the original and the updated release, and I have two questions on that just for my own peace of mind: first, did you change the Jane/Rebecca scene? I seem to remember it triggered regardless of whether you kiss her or not; and second, did you change the name of the killer? I seem to recall it just being 'noble killer'.