I think the scene you've set here is very strong. I may be taking liberties a bit but it feels like the ebbing strings at the beginning kind of signal pushing through that membrane between the real world and this world you've created which then quickly builds to the pipes as the gate opens. There's also just so many interesting sounding instruments.
I think your description adds a lot to this and allowed me to really visualize that kind of journey that matched up with the music.
Nice work!