I think that while I could understand the narrator's thoughts, I think that it could definitely use with some more depth as it would help me understand Sean as a person better. I understand that they are close to Jacqueline, but I would like to see some sort of conflict in Sean's perception of Jacqueline seeing as she appears to coerce Sean into doing something that they perhaps are not comfortable with (if the player does go down that path). I think that having this conflict arise earlier in the story can help solidify Sean as a character, as they eventually give in to the use of substances and forget about that initial conflict. This is just one possible example, but there are definitely plenty of ways to expand upon the writing of the story.