I loved the the way you opened this story. You introduced compelling characters and set up a very noir standoff that I could picture in my mind (even without your fantastic cover image). I can't help but feel a little disappointed, though, that we didn't get to really dig into those characters you introduced. I got excited when the dead started to rise - how will Hallard and Dupree feel about having to (re)kill their cell members or squadmates? Will they notice their similarities as they confront this new threat? - and I would have loved to see you use some of your remaining space to play with that.
Viewing post in Bitter Rain - OPR Story Jam #9 jam comments
I went into this tale with the plan that 'What if these two forces were trying to finish each other off, but circumstances conspired against them at every turn?' It was then a matter of finding a plausible excuse for it to be true, and for some reason a night fight in a torrential downpour popped into my head. It's made even funnier that not long into my writing I think it started raining outside. Making them both 'sort of' the same faction (before Acton went Guerilla) also made it initially have a more 'local' scope. At least until I hinted at the possibility that the undead might be happening over a much larger scale.