I really like the setup and payoff here. It kind of reads like a batman joker arrangement, in the way that their conflict is their special thing. No outsiders! Other than that I'd have to say that I agree with a previous comment, the narration did take away from the overall flavor and flow of the story. It felt like it lacked personality, which is sad because both factions were so interesting. Still a great read though, a thumbs up from me!
Viewing post in OPR Writing Jam #9 - The Enemy of My Enemy... jam comments
Thank you for your assessment :) I do agree that it's very much an impersonal and kind of dry account of events more than anything, like a codex entry someone said. I've always been fond of that "they are my enemy and you were not invited" mentality XD plus, let's be real, Battle Brothers in lore come across as a little abrasive. Next writing jam I'll see what I can do about a more personal story, maybe tell a little about how Captain Raeph managed to take on a squad of Destroyers or how Lady Val reacted to their intervention :3 I've even got a bunch of characters that have popped up as a result of a tournament.