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i held that critic to msf until now, since i love the story, its characters and how well-written it is, but i agree with you 🫠 i didn't play chapater 4 yet, but i found myself skimming a third of the paragraphs at chapter 3: there was too much repetion of story beats, like how you'd have to tell other characters again and again the same things – i believe four different characters asked about my relationship with gawain. FOUR. and, since i wanted to be close to all of them, i had to recount things non-stop, even tho my mordred was already certain he liked gawain.

i believe the author doesn't understand yet how telling is equally important to showing, nor when to not include a scene all together. they're totally capable of developing these skills, tho, so i hope they don't read our comments as offensive. i love their attention to details on specific moments – like in the RPG between the little boys scene, my fav part of the book so far, lovely amazing – but there's only so much description of foods and festivities of unimportant npcs you can read until it gets tiresome.

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so, i'm halfway through chapter 5 now and, yeah... my tip for the author would be to withhold lore until it's necessary. i know we can get excited with world building, but we gotta step back and ask ourselves if we're answering questions the readers, supposedly, must be eager to know by now, or if we're just oversharing at the cost of almost stopping the pace. as for now, different from the first chapters, it's too much information and too little actually happening. chapter 4 was a chore to get through, while chapter 5 literally lectures you on lore. if you're like me and is not that interested on elaine, there's not much to hold your attention, really.

hope the author understands i say those things out of love for the story, aaa 🫠💞 i'm very invested and looking forward to it. i've even been talking about it with my sister! lol. pls, author, don't feel unmotivated by the critics, i'd rather you ignore them all than abandoning this work

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Unfortunately I agree. I've got ADHD and I absolutely love to read, CYOA games are part of my favourite genres. But when it gets to be too much information and world building, my brain loses interest and no matter how hard I try, I can't stay engaged so I just end up skimming until I find something that seems interesting, which is a shame when someone spends so much time writing a full story.

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i'm under professional suspicion of ADHD so yep, i feel you! but, with The Golden Rose as one of my favourite IFs, and ASOIAF as my fav book series, both known for having "endless" descriptions, it becomes clear the problem here is not our ADHD (i know that's not what you meant, just wanted to make it clear in case someone thinks that).

the difference between you and me is that i also have OCD: i don't skim, i feel like i have to read every single word 😭 so i just end up DNFing slow books altogether. which brings me to the question: has the author made any edits or got better regarding descriptions and info-dumping? i'd love to keep playing this game, but only if i know the slowness isn't forever. 

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I absolutely get that. I'm autistic as well (AuDHD) and I feel very uncomfortable not understanding the entirety of a setting in case I miss out on something crucial, but I get so absolutely word blind when the chapters get so incredibly descriptive and it seems like in the case of this WIP, that is unfortunately rather consistent. I understand the desire to elaborate when you've built an entire world, but you MUST consider that this is something that needs to capture your audience and keep them engaged, and when it drones on and on and on about things that have no impact or relevance to the rest of the story at all, some serious cutting needs to be done. 


What really helps me with books like ASOIAF is listening to audio books instead of reading them myself, that way I can draw/play games/DIY or whatever and still manage to pay attention to the story because of the additional stimuli.

I haven't got round to making edits; writing in general has been slower because of health issues I've been experiencing, but I listened to the feedback and I do intent to revise the demo.