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"I have $8,000 sitting in my Patreon wallet and Patreon intends to keep it"
What the actual fuck? Is that even legal? You should be able to at least withdraw all your money. They've already made their profit. You've probably tried to reach them regarding unbanning, but I urge you try (again?) reaching them about withdrawing money specifically. That's still your money.

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It's technically legal, as their ToS say they get to keep the money if I'm banned for a "heinous" breach. Which is why the "Alice exists" thing is being framed by them as "sexualization of children and teenagers" because according to their definition any child present within an adult game is automatically sexualised.

They have issues.

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You were banned because a kid exists, that is NOT a heinous breach! There should be some way to get that money that you've earned, Patreon is getting more and more ridiculous...should we start calling it the Pirate Bay as they seem intent on keeping money from adult devs?

"Piratreon" does have a certain ring to it... ;)