The story looks interesting. However, I feel the writing needs a little of polish. Most of the time, I felt like I started the second chapter, and the first one was somehow missing. I actually went and check if the game was the continuation of another one. This is because the characters are not introduced properly. For example:
- Ji-Hu is first mentioned in "Where is Ji-Hu when I need him?". However, aside from his name and that he has a book, I have no idea who Ji-Hu is.
- After that, It is mentioned that Cosmo must keep going because his brother is the one that can help him. However, just right after that, the next dialog is: "What has happened to Guishan", so I got confused, as I didn't understand that he was talking about the city, since the city's name is never mentioned in the writings until now. Yes, it is mentioned in the itch.io game's description (which I read later), but since is not inside the game, it gets confusing. At this point, I have not made the connection of who's the brother. Guishan or Ji-Hu, or someone else.
- After getting to the backdoor at the brother's house, Cosmo asks for two people: Ji-Hu and Sherbet. So it gets even more confusing. Until this point, who is the brother? Ji-Hu? Sherbert? Who was Guishan?
- Then in the bedroom, Sherbert is sleeping in the corner of the room. But nothing else, so we still don't know who Sherbert is, or what it is. Because sleeping in the corner can mean various things:
- A pet who is sleeping in the corner's floor.
- A human who is sleeping in the corner floor for some reason (we are stranded in a weird world, people who is scared would usually sit in a corner to feel safe)
- Then we leave looking for Ji-Hu and no explanation of who sherbert is or why are we leaving they alone.
- At the office, Cosmo says: "Ji Hu, is that you? It's me, your brother." Right at this point, finally the connection was made, but it caused a lot of confusion until it was clarified
- An then appeared Hakkun, which looks like a book, but is never explained what it is, is it just a book, is it a familiar.
- Then Ji Hu says he is related to In-su, and again, nothing is explained of who In-su is.
This is why I say it feels the game is counting on me knowing already who all these characters are. With a proper introduction, the characters are better remembered instead of being abstract names. For example: the first point just needs something like this:
"Where is my brother, Ji-Hu, when I need him?" Ok, now we know who Ji-Hu is, and later in the text you can address him as "brother" or "Ji-Hu", and we will be able to make the connection.
As I said, the story is very interesting, just check those details for better story comprehension and it will be awesome. Best of luck!