- For me, the game is sometimes written in a too casual way, especially the dialogue in the intro. Not saying that's bad necessarily, but I felt more like reading a story from someone's blog than exploring a mysterious tome. I do see that you can write though.
- Not all the choices felt meaningful. It feels like the affect only the dialogue, instead of giving a direction to the story.
- I like that I didn't get overwhelmed with text. Clicking "continue" before getting more to read is a good choice.
- I regret to say that I didn't really care for the story too much. Perhaps because the outcome feels predetermined (you're reading a book after all). I hoped that it might be a more like The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante. I felt like I had more choice in what is being said, than where the story is going to go.
- Diego de Francisco de la Rosa- the double "de" feels weird. I don't think that's common. Perhaps you meant to write "Diego Francisco de la Rosa"?
Please do not take this feedback in a negative way, and remember that those are my personal opinions. You've done a great job overall.