fantasy doesnt excuse bad writing my friend....
characters don't have enough depth to them and they seemingly live from day by day, such writing is characteristic for children's literature
oceanItch
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A member registered Feb 04, 2022
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Well thats only if you think realism is generic. Right now you can categorize all the characters as either gummi bears or lewd gummi bears, the story could definitely benefit from more depth than that. I guess the community has a lot of young people, I'm just a little too old for gummi bears. I'd rather read something generic than "sexy gummi bears". But hey that said, the art alone is worth sticking around for, so I'll take what I can get.
Yea, maybe I have degenerated too far to enjoy this writing. I mean if you are aiming for your visual novel to be a conflict free fairytale wonderland, then the writing fits I guess. Emelie being a princess, I'd expect her to sometimes show few spoiled bitch personality traits. Like in the beach scene when she shows up, instead of:
emelie "Are you sure this bikini is the right size?"
emelie "Thats what I get for not buying it myself."
emelie "So my breast did grow."
Something more bitchy like:
emelie "[MC]! You just had to buy the skimpiest bikini you could find right?!"
emelie "Its not even the right size, its so tight its making my breast spill out from all sides!"
MC "Sorry piglet, but you know its really hot today, and I love a well tied roast."
emelie rolls eyes "Did you forget that I am still a PRINCESS?? I look like the town whore in this."
MC "Nah, if anyone is the town whore its Maple."
*Maple catwalks into scene*
maple "Heyyy guys, I heard my naaame. Were you talking about me?"
maple "Huh!? Oh my ghod [MC], that G-string looks so hot on your.... gf?"
maple sticks her boobs out "How do you like my slingshot monokini though?"
*Maple turns around presenting her ass*
*MC pops a boner, Emelie notices and is visibly annoyed*
MC "Yeahh, it sure is... something atleast."
maple "Don't you think its covering too much? I actually wanted to wear pasties but I couldnt find any water-proof ones."
*MC reflexively bends over in pain as a vein on his penis nearly pops from a blood pressure spike*
Overall great stuff, but the writing could really use some improvement. It reads like a childrens book with how wholesome every single piece of dialogue is. Check out the writing form the games from Siren (https://sirensdomain.itch.io/) and Majalis (https://majalis.itch.io/)
This was my first life simulation game and holy shit it blows. The grind is real, even on easy mode. The repetitive daily routine of having to maually sleep, shower,eat, work and maintain happiness everyday in game is just mind numbing and annoying. And when you eventually do manage to navigate through the maze of choices, you get sex scene renders that arent even that juicy. Not that it would even really matter if the scene was juicy or not because by the time you get to the scene the grind has killed all your horniness. How is there even market for these games. I wish the dev best of luck, but I am out. 3 days of palying this game was more than enough for me.
The first half of the game kept me interested because the game focuses on the taboo nature of the relationships you enter.
The second half of the game lost me a little since no one cares about the taboo anymore and the relationships and H-scenes become way too romantic, wholesome, and consensual (f.i. the girls get off on the threesomes more than mc does, no profanity in H-scene dialogues, in fact the H-scenes seem so women centric it wouldnt surprise me if the dev turned out to be a woman).
Astaroth ending could have been a little more fleshed out. I would have loved to see all girls in the princesses of Astaroth style.
I may be a little degenerate since I'd say the game is overall too vanilla for me, its a good game though so 5 stars nonetheless. However maybe i should take off a star since the semen is yellow in the game, wtf is that about???