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A jam submission

FimbulvinterView project page

1 Page Mork Borg Adventure
Submitted by Spook-Generator — 10 days, 14 hours before the deadline
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Fimbulvinter's itch.io page

Results

CriteriaRankScore*Raw Score
Darkest (How deep into the darkness of man can you go?)#63.7783.778
Most Deathless (You know it when you see it.)#112.6672.667
Overall#123.2783.278
Most "Northern" (We're from Minnesota, it's okay.)#123.1113.111
Coldest (How far below zero can you get?)#133.5563.556

Ranked from 9 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.

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Comments

Host

There's a lot of flavor here and a lot of information delivered simply. The story itself is very dark and brutal. As for the quest seed, it fits perfectly with Tethyk's oracle. This is very well written with just the right amount of detail and openness I like from Mörk Borg content. Well done.

Submitted(+1)

There's a lot of good stuff in here and you get it across in very few words – well done.

There are a lot of potentially good stuff in here – who's sending us on this mission? What made some go mad and others survive (for now). I would love to have more of that sweet sense of a town in knees, trapped by winter, hunger and the undead. "23 mutilated bodies inside and 7 Risen Ghouls which feast on them." I mean if that doesn't spark images I do not know what will! And the fact that I imagine my group would rip the heart from the girls chest and flee while the parents battled it out is just freaking dark. Great writing.


The wife is in the mayor's home, so the population would be 3? Or doesn't she count because she is a Ghoul? It's not a big thing, it's just a ruling I would have to do, just had me wondering if you intended something different. :) 

You could consider using Italic when you write out speech, and then do bold when monsters and NPCs appear? Would maybe help me scan the text.


All in all, short sweet and super clear. Really liked it. Well done.

Submitted(+1)

Oh, Kunsama, you awful town of bitterness. That's an unusual hook, but that makes the story so interesting. Who would send the PCs to get the heart? Why would the PCs accept such a mission. Do they really take the poor girl's heart in the end? So much space for great roleplay in this great layoutet adventure. The town seems almost like a ghost town, so exciting to explore. It's like you can hear the wind howling when reading it.

Host(+1)

Honestly, this plot hook works perfectly, since the oracle that Tethyk consults is asking for horrible and random things like this, and the PCs are pretty ruthless, so they'll likely have no problems with this, morally. I can't say the same for the players behind them, however.  Good stuff.

Submitted

Sure, I thought about it as a standalone adventure not having your podcast in mind. You can easily send your players off. :-)

Submitted(+1)

I really like the hook, which can easily be delivered by any patron, although I imagine it coming from the basilisk's mouth. Like the hook, I bet ripping the heart from her chest would a satisfying conclusion.

The cannibalism and ghouls in a snowed in town though feels trope heavy. I think that fleshing out some interesting repurcussions to the town after being beset by winter for so long would be valuable and make it feel more unique. Or maybe a why about the Mayor's daughter having this burning heart?

Maybe the reason it's so cold and wintery is because she has somehow drawn the warmth out the landscape into herself or something. There's a lot of potential in the Burning Heart.

Developer

Thanks, I wish I could go back and improve it now. Looking over all the other submissions, I think I took the prompt of "create a mini adventure to be played in 1 hour" too literally and tried to make an "adventure path" around my idea.

Submitted

That's fair, working within constraints definitely influences the work.

Developer

Yeah, I think it's mostly on my end. I tried to be too literal with the prompt is all. Oh well

Submitted(+1)

I really like the hook, which can easily be delivered by any patron, although I imagine it coming from the basilisk's mouth. Like the hook, I bet ripping the heart from her chest would a satisfying conclusion.

The cannibalism and ghouls in a snowed in town though feels trope heavy. I think that fleshing out some interesting repurcussions to the town after being beset by winter for so long would be valuable and make it feel more unique. Or maybe a why about the Mayor's daughter having this burning heart?

Maybe the reason it's so cold and wintery is because she has somehow drawn the warmth out the landscape into herself or something. There's a lot of potential in the Burning Heart.