Yep, I'm an Italian dev and my English is far from being good. Feel free to contact me to report any grammar issues, I would appreciate it!
Your English is fantastic! It's mostly minor things.
Just gonna list some here so that other people can chime in if they think I'm wrong:
- "Choose the character" might be considered a bit awkward; "Choose your character" is standard (but "the character" has a certain detached charm...so I'd argue you should leave it as is). Other options are "Choose character" or "Character select/ion". (edit: I noticed it says "Choose the location", so you can probably ignore me)
- "When you are about to die, you lose X percentage of skin finding instead" or "Lose X percentage of skin finding instead of dying" is more natural than the current version.
- I think there was something that said "Your aim have greatly improved", when it should be "has greatly improved".
I'll let you know if I find any more.
I had an amazing time playing the demo, I just sat down for 6 hours and did just about everything I could possible do save for using the special knife on the mirror. I wanted to let you know that in the Luna fight, two of the "you" in the secret code is actually spelt "yov". If this is intentional or I missed something that is fine too. :)