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I think this is a really neat idea, but I also think it suffers from over writing. Instead of human eye it could have just been eyes. Or a pound of eyes. Human tears could have just been tears. Or tears of laughter. If you ask me splattered brain matter is the only one that landed. You need more subtlety. You used a hammer where a lock pick would have been enough.

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Thats some really good feedback! Noted for next time. Thanks!