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(+1)

Absolutely in love with the Wizardry/Might and Magic feel of fantasy and sci-fi. Nostalgic to the max for me.

There are a lot of cool things to interact with here and love that you can acquire a plasma pistol. It would be cool if there was something that added a mutation or a cybernetic enhancement, but that's not a failure, just something that would be cool to have.

I do think you could cut word count tremendously by removing the word "will" entirely from the doc. Most of the time you can remove it with no other modifications and it work, sometimes you simply have to add an "s" to present-tense the sentence. "the NPC notices one very dim star..."

Also, qualifying words generally make a sentence weaker.

EDIT: Also, qualifying words make a sentence weaker.

"A strange creature, resembling a mix..." The word "resembling" already indicates that it isn't exactly like an arachnid/centipede, so "somewhat" isn't necessary and eats up a lot of space for one word.

Otherwise a great adventure and one I'm certain to run for my group. Good job.

(2 edits) (+1)

I definitely welcome all criticism on my writing style. I am not a native speaker, and neither am I a writer, so these are really helpful to keep in mind for the future! Also, I'm not sure if you'd count that, but the Lend-a-tail is kind of a cybernetic enhancement item thing. I was really proud of that one hahaha

I have played A LOT of Heroes of Might and Magic III (aka the best HoMM game), so that might be an inspiration I wasn't even aware of!  

edit: I just tried out your suggestion with cutting wills entirely and I agree - sentences sound better. There was maybe a single sentence where I'd keep it! that's nice to learn!