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I'm not too far in,   but I've made decent progress, and  I have a few complaints. Know that this is meant to be helpful, and that this is literally all the fault I can find in this game. It's a very fun game so far.

- Dear god, there are so many grammatical errors. This entire thing is gonna need to be proofread to clear them all out. Most of them are harmless, mostly only annoying to grammar nuts like me, but some do obfuscate you intentions a little.

- Menu navigation is a touch borked. Sometimes back to game doesn't work (though you do seem aware of it, thank you for offering solutions to that one) and if I ever save, the save menu WILL NOT  reopen unless I open and close settings.

- I am very early on, so I may not have the best perspective of it, but I have to say that the game does seem a bit designed with female characters in mind. It's not too bad, but it is noticeable, particularly in the customization at the start of the game.

And that's it. Man, if that's all the flaw I can find (and I started looking), you're doing pretty good.  Just some gentle editing and a bit of wrangling of the spaghetti code, and you've got a quality work right here. I'd pay around  $15 for this with those changes. With these current issues, though, it ends up feeling a little unprofessional, which makes it a much harder sell. Seeming even a little unprofessional does pretty big harm to your salability.  But again, this is far less work than many games need, and it's one fun game. I hope this little criticism helps, and I hope to see this baby on Steam one day.

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I will say the last few parts of your criticisms seem highly unnecessary - because the IF is currently free (and free games or books etc. will be quite unprofessional) also most IF authors I've seen who charge anything have a patreon (that the author doesn't have) which you opt into for bonus content 

The most I've seen an IF go for is 12$ (I think authors deserve more but that's besides the point) and that's on the high end 

Which is all to say whatever prices the author 'would' charge you'd get about what you'd pay for but the author isn't charging anything so it's not worth speculating on

I think speculating on what it "would" go for IS important - this says demo, after all, which implies a full, paid version. And I was only attempting to state what I would pay with that comment, not what it would be worth. Also, does IF stand for interactive fiction? I've never seen that acronym before.

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Yes! If you search IF games anything interactive fiction  will show up  

Also I would sorta be repeating myself but since Lunan said they've recently thought about selling the full game and writing with that goal in mind I'll leave that discussion and thought process for them (lord knows I'm never gonna make an IF myself lol)

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I'm with you on that. I like to give my input about what's "wrong", because everything else is so right, but I'm just some guy. And who am I to proclaim something objectively anything? I just believe player feedback is important. But at the end of the day, everything is up to Lunan. As long as this story concludes satisfactorily, I won't complain.

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Thank you, my dear, I do appreciate constructive notes, especially since I do this project alone! ^_^

I know there is going to be issues since I have no real editor or play-tester and am learning as I go. I had 2 people very briefly proof the beginning, but other than that, it's just been me. I have never coded anything in my life before this either. So, this spaghetti is going to be unhinged, my friend, lol.

Going to note too, that when I began this project - it was not for salability. It was just for the passion of it (the thought of putting it on Steam was like a far-off and untouchable dream). While I wanted it as professional as I could manage, that wasn't the end-goal, so those things were not a focus. It wasn't until sort of recently, with readers encouraging me, that I began really thinking about polishing and selling it one day. It would be a dream come true, to be sure.

Since I am now looking at possibly selling it one day, it will get extensive copyediting and refining. I just want the full story out for right now. 

The menu navigation will get an overhaul when I can focus on it. I have a lot of things I want to implement on the stats along with a journal page to track the story. What's there now just won't suffice for all I have planned. I think some of the issues rest in template I've used, but with some research I can fix them.

I've had the "female-leaning" reference made once before, and I'll say what I said then - I truly believe that depends on your perception of what is inherently male, female or anything in-between. I do realize most of my audience is female-leaning, but I have more often received comments that my writing wasn't as gendered as most out there. I do not believe in gender roles or that things should be gendered - period. The lens I see through is a-gendered as it is, so I just don't see it, personally.

Hey, don't worry too much. I also said all this as something of a utilitarian - most people looking at indie stuff don't care too much about professionalism, and I'm a grammar nut, so most people playing won't notice  most of those little errors. As for the female-leaning thing, it's only really even noticeable in character creation, and even then, not all that visible unless you're looking. And the menu navigation was already something you were clearly aware of, so I'm not fussed about it.