Alright, I have some thoughts. This is just my opinion so feel free to take it or leave it ofc. Just commenting cause I find the premise interesting but I'm hitting a bit of what I think is a rough spot. CH2 (I think it's 2) contains some awkward phrasing IMO with the worst offenders being bits of dialog.
For example, take this passage:
----
“Azaria. My name is Azaria.” She places her hand on her heart and makes a slight bow. “I am a beloved royal musician of broad and alluring talent. It is a pleasure to formally introduce myself to you, >name<.”
Musician? If she’s just a musician, what was she doing at your meeting with the Council?
“Do you need anything?” you ask. “Am I in the way?”
Azaria chuckles. “I think I’m the one in the way of your morning sleep. Though I can’t seem to understand your preference for sleeping in an uncomfortable armchair instead of a bed. Why don’t you move this delightful activity to your room?”
“I just couldn’t sleep tonight, so I fell asleep here by accident.”
The possibility of one’s own death would leave anyone sleepless.
How many hours have you slept? You don’t feel particularly rested, so probably not much.
“If you can’t sleep, you should do something relaxing that isn’t work-related, no?” Azaria asks. “These books are basically a part of your job now, so they hardly count as relaxing.”
----
I legitimately don't think real people would talk to someone like this. Have you ever gone up to someone and dropped a line like:
"I think I’m the one in the way of your morning sleep. Though I can’t seem to understand your preference for sleeping in an uncomfortable armchair instead of a bed. Why don’t you move this delightful activity to your room?"
No shot. It's lengthy, stiff, and awkward, like I'm watching one of those vids of a Redditor who is talking to another human for the first time after 5 years of never leaving their room.
People tend to speak in ways that naturally cut superfluous language. "Though I can't seem to understand your preference for sleeping in ___" would naturally be said like, "I don't understand why you're sleeping in ___" because it's simply easier & more convenient. Continuing on, more often than not, someone wouldn't say something like, "uncomfortable armchair" because the uncomfortableness of the armchair is implied with the statement itself ("instead of a bed"), as well as being obvious visually (from the character's perspective, the armchair would appear obviously uncomfortable compared to a bed).
Even the line, "I am a beloved royal musician of broad and alluring talent. It is a pleasure to formally introduce myself to you," is a bit awkward, because normally someone wouldn't just compliment themselves like that without playing it off as a comedic thing (often hinted through tone and expressions). But the problem is that the text gives no indication as to what her tone is supposed to be here, and our protagonist makes no notes on it either. The protag immediately focused on the "musician" aspect, rather than the fact that she just described herself as someone with "beloved... of broad and alluring talent" which is quite the arrogant statement, and should immediately rub someone the wrong way.
Then the final bit, "If you can’t sleep, you should do something relaxing that isn’t work-related, no?” Azaria asks. “These books are basically a part of your job now, so they hardly count as relaxing."
Normally, people wouldn't just add "no?" at the end there. They'd say something along the lines of, "if you can't sleep, shouldn't you do something relaxing that isn't work-related?" putting the "no" component near "should" (making it "should not") rather than placing it awkwardly at the end of the sentence.
Anyway, just something to consider. Again, it's only my opinion.