Skip to main content

On Sale: GamesAssetsToolsTabletopComics
Indie game storeFree gamesFun gamesHorror games
Game developmentAssetsComics
SalesBundles
Jobs
TagsGame Engines
(2 edits) (+2)

Thank you for taking your time to write this! I agree that some sentences could've been written better. English isn't my first language, so I'm def lacking in fluency. Sorry for that.

As for Az and the Oracle moment, Az is just like that, arrogant, loudmouth, talking themselves up all the time. They were purposefully obnoxious, as they often are, and I thought it was obvious enough (or will be obvious once you catch them in a different setting). Maybe not. The Oracle just woke up + doesn't care, so they ignore all the empty words and focus on the info their brain can process. I might add more clarification there eventually.

>Have you ever gone up to someone and dropped a line like:
I haven't, but Az absolutely would and did.

>is a bit awkward, because normally someone wouldn't just compliment themselves like that without playing it off as a comedic thing
Az does it semi-seriously because they are arrogant & to put others off, but it doesn't work on the MC. The MC's lack of reaction was a way to show that.

I'd revise the earlier chapters and probably rewrite a lot of things, but I want to focus on writing forward, so I'm reluctant to reread the earlier chapters because I won't be able to stop myself from editing, lol. I'll save your notes for the future use when I sit to edit the whole thing from the beginning!

No problem, author. Happy to provide thoughts. 

Yeah I get your point about the character being arrogant, obnoxious, etc. I guess my problem is, expanding upon what I've written already, with the fact that it's entirely uncharismatic. As I noted before, it's written more like an obnoxious Redditor than an obnoxious yet suave person. You get what I mean? And this is an RO, so to me, rather than the reaction being "okay this character is kinda annoying but I can see some charm," it causes a reaction more like, "okay, well, I definitely shouldn't pick any options involving this person, so that I can avoid this painful dialog." Lol.

I don't mean to be too negative or anything, or to repeatedly harp on one point. I'm just trying to clarify my perspective in case it helps during the time you sit down to re-read everything. 

Wishing you success! 

(+1)

Now I understand what you meant. I'll keep that in mind for the future edits. 

Thank you!