I like the vibe of this. the tension between the strings and organ changing keys and the koto (?) stubbornly staying put was fun, and I liked the woozy, syncopated feel of the strings in the B section.
the staccato strings feel a bit overbearing to me, especially once the low strings come in. I think the idea of a secondary rhythm for the melodies to interact with is interesting, but those big string hits end up crowding out the more varied melodies. a smaller sound (quartet vs. orchestra, maybe?) might mesh better with the rest of the orchestration.