Thanks for this really detailed feedback, this is exactly the kind of stuff I need to progress.
Mandolin was a bit of a carrying over from a very early draft when when it had a bit more of a slavic feel, I was then stuck in the situation where if it was removed that staticness you mentioned really set in. I'd probably have removed it if I had more time, but that's the beauty of doing stuff on tight deadlines sometimes. This is my first of these composition jams but it will definitely be appearing more in future.
Everything you've said resonates though and I'll absolutely be trying to take it on board going forward.
Thanks for your feedback though and taking the time to listen, very excited to go through and listen to everyone elses.