To The Developer, is this vn still in development? I ask because I am truly enjoying it very much!
Please dont think i am insulting your work here, its just some constructive critisms I really think you need to look at if your still developing this fantastic story.
The only things that really annoys me is the mc. He acts like a completely mentally challenged retard. Almost every time he speaks to a woman he has to hurl insults at them then use the cop-out excuse he was only joking. I have no problem with him doing that a couple of times, but using that almost every single time, just tires me and makes me hate the mc. I get he has problems, but can you please do some more work on him, so he reads more like a normal human being... and love to have more choices in conversations. for example, the orphanage woman who looked after Alice.
It is non of the mc business....and just because she had to look after Alice, does not automatically assume we should be forced into helping her! the girls are really sweet and after playing through chapter 9 and into chapter 10 i like where you taking Fiona.
Lucy is so sweet and acts more like a human being than them all put together except Fiona, which I truly think you have fleshed out beautifully with her personality and as again with Lucy.
I love Sandra too, but I am getting really concerned about the way you are writing her. The more stuff she says, the more retarded she sounds with certain things. She is supposed to the oldest of the sisters there, but lucy the little genius makes her look like a little child mentally.
Sandra mentions she will be exclusive to the mc, I think you have gone the opposite way which really is not fair at all towards the player. Exclusive means just that. It doesn't mean she will mess around with Alice or kiss other women, which seems to be alluded to as the story goes on during the first 9 chapters. If she was exclusive, then she most certainly wouldn't allow other people to touch her let alone kiss her. You need to go back to her being exclusive only, or otherwise, give us the choice to allow her to be a whore...which your basically starting to write her as a whore with her sisters and mother. I mean seriously sucking on her mom's tit for fucks sake while her mom is asleep? That is not the complete opposite from being exclusive and there really is zero reason why she is doing it in the first place, considering she told the mc she was EXCLUSIVELY his! so why try to make her into some whore? It doesn't fit with who she is, it doesn't fit with the way she acts or thinks and we know that from the first few chapters. You need to stop writing Sandra like this, your ruining the story completely by doing it! Feel free to keep turning alice into the cum dumpster whore she is...i mean that was your intent with her right? i mean let's forget she even has a story about her etc....because everything about Alice is overly convoluted and tired.
The whole point of a vn is to try and hook the reader into becoming emotionally involved with the characters, you do this by trying to make them appear 'real' in whatever story you read. When you suddenly move away from that or even move away from that immersion over time, you lose the grip on the story, and that's basically it, people will lose interest rather quickly.
Listen I get its got to be very difficult to make these stories, without running into the kill them off bullshit, because of a lack of stuff to do with them or you become bored of them, or you want to end the story by pissing everyone off. The problem is, the main story is fantastic, no problems with it, absolutely non. The problems I have lie entirely with the MC because you have written him as a completely mentally challenged retard, who has to hurl insults at as many people as can....ontop of asking retarded questions, because really it seems his IQ level is shockingly low. cmon you do better than that with the mc. He seriously needs a personality change urgently. There is no reason for him to be constantly hurling abuse and swearing constantly at his girlfriends...in real life guy does that, its game over pretty much. right now, i couldnt care less what happens to the fucktard...because there is absolutely nothing likeable about him....until he starts giving out advice....if he gives such good advice to women...why make act and speak like a fucking retard normally when he doesn't. As a character he is simply not believable one tiny bit. His behaviour, the way he speaks helps define his personality. He is like a schizophrenic on crack and other stuff. Just get rid of the bullshit abuse and constantly swearting,, the utterly retarded things he says. It completel ruins the story! I love the story. I hate the MC because he is the complete opposite of real. Sandra is exclusive but you seem to have fogotten that completely....give us the choice so she is exclusive and if we choose that that, then make sure she is exclusive in everything to the MC not some plaything for other women or her doing it, that really made me quite mad as i was reading.
Without repeating myself again, this vn needs to some major tlc , and there are plenty of grammatical errors too, which i generally ignored because i know what you meant. for example...do you want to marry me? it should be will you marry me? this the correct way to ask someone to marry you. this is because its formal not informal. so you want to marry is pretty much like asking for the debate on the subject. you need to change it, because it is wrong. You also kept writing promised. this is wrong because it is supposed to be I promise. needs quite a lot of grammatical work before you actually release this vn as complete, and the mc and sandra needs a massive amount of work, such as removing the mindless and retarded insults back and forth..it getting tiring very fast..its like telling the same joke over and over and over. If you make these much needed changes, this vn would got from fantastic to mind blowing. as it stands, the mc i just cant stand his snarky shit all the time, and i cant stand the fact you seem to have forgot that sandra is exclusive...meaning only the main character interacts with her sexually, and or kissing...you need to get back to that because she should not behave any other way except exclusive. other than that, i hope you take my long winded constructive critism on board and do something about these two characters..because they need fixing big time, just remove the constant tired as fuck insults from him. and make sandra exclusive as she should be only for the mc ONLY!!
thanks for reading.