Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate that you took the time to play through my entry.
If you could go into more detail on the writing, I’d be happy to hear it.
Viewing post in Sephira Tale ~First Outing~ jam comments
In regard to the writing, there were a few things I found troubling:
Firstly, it seemed as though you couldn't decide whether you wanted to do massive exposition dumps all at once, or you wanted to rush through with no real explanation. I'm guessing the latter probably came when you noticed a time crunch. I can sympathize. Either way, things didn't seem to flow evenly in the way things were going.
Secondly, you weren't subtle with your inclusion of politics in the game. Maybe you thought you were being subtle, but it was rather obvious and, in my opinion, in bad taste. The biggest problem about this is that, in my experience, people who do this sort of thing have a tendency to focus on that one criticism and ignore all other valid criticisms. As much as this was a little off putting to me, I could have let it slide if the story felt consistent, but it didn't. It's possible to tell a good story that also includes these elements (The book Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein comes to mind), but you have to be careful, particularly in a contest, that you're not alienating your audience.
There are other issues in the plot that I had, but I have a feeling that those stem from one of the first two problems (or more likely a combination of the two), The main example which sticks in my mind (probably because it was around when I stopped playing) was the completely illogical blockade after the big battle at the library. The guy as much as said that he didn't like the authorities, then said he was worried about letting them pass because they might be spies. I thought, "Hate to break it to you bud, but if they're spies, you're already screwed since you just openly admitted you sympathize with the enemy."
I don't know how experienced you are as a writer, but I really hope this doesn't discourage you from continuing to practice and hone your writing. I consider myself a decent writer today, but I've been practicing for over 20 years and I still don't feel I'm up to the level of some of my favorites. It's possible to consistently improve and become truly great, but it takes time, effort, and a willingness to look at the flaws in your writing with a desire to be better. That's how I've improved (you should have seen some of the stuff I was writing when I was 15. I thought it was great at the time, but looking back on it now it was quite awful, and no where near as good as what you've written in this game)
Ohh this is great. This gives me a lot to work with, and hopefully once judging is over I’ll give my writing a once-over and rethink some of the concepts. This pretty much came from me messing around and letting things flow from there.
As for the politics, I wasn’t trying to be subtle.
Again, thank you for giving my project a once through. It’s a big first for me in a lot of areas, and I very much am aware of my limitations. I appreciate it.