Normally I'm not a fan of eye dialect but I think you pulled it off really well here - I got a good sense of the character's voice without it coming across as pejorative or difficult to understand. Great job! (Although being from God's own county myself, I am biased ;) )
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Technically I don't think it counts as 'eye' dialect since I write by sound. I'm from Yorkshire, too and write the accents of my childhood. There's a lot that could be added to the Australia part of their story. But I don't know very much about Australia, so I'd worry it wouldn't be authentic. I have a few ideas about this, though. Thank you for the feedback, good to meet someone from Yorkshire!